Surviving...

Thumb-be-gone

2012-01-11T18:12:00.000-08:00

Growing up I was a thumb sucker until early elementary school. I can't remember how old I was when I stopped, but I do vividly remember the dentist calling me at home one night to remind me to not suck my thumb. Then in 5th grade, I got braces...for four and half years. I followed all the rules of my orthodontist and everything, but the thumb sucking got blamed for the years of orthodontia. I got braces again as an adult because my teeth shifted and my lack of saliva (thanks to being nuked during radioactive iodine treatments) was starting to cause some problems.

I vowed to NEVER. EVER. left one of my kids suck their thumb.

When we brought Jack home, one of the last things his foster mom said to me was "Don't let him suck his thumb!" No problem, I won't! And he wasn't.

Then we brought Sam home. And he was already a thumb sucker. He was nearly 18 months old and going through a lot of change so I decided to wait until he was 2 year old. Well, Ian was going to deploy and was going to go through a lot of change, so I would wait until he was home. I was diagnosed with cervical cancer about that time, so I'd wait until that mess way over. Then it was time to move cross country...you can see the theme here.

I allowed all these events to psych me out. I think I honestly just didn't want to do the hard work of reminding Sam to stop sucking his thumb. And it didn't seem to be terribly hard, he only sucked it when he was going to sleep. I guess it's one of those things that will make him into a big boy...and like most moms, I want to keep him little!

Last fall, Sam asked for a "bendy" seatbelt and I figured that would be a good reward for getting him to stop sucking his thumb. So we decided when he was 5 years old, he wouldn't suck his thumb any more.

On the morning of his birthday, December 27th, I reminded him what we talked about. That is was time to stop sucking him thumb so he could get a bendy seatbelt.

"How many days do I have to stop, Mom?"

Shoot. I hadn't thought of that. "14." Sounds good to me. A good two weeks to help him break the habit.

"Then on day 15 I get my bendy seatbelt, right?"

"Yes, Sam. 14 days in a row and then you get it."

He was sold. And meanwhile I'm thinking that this will be a long process...lots of reminding, lots of tears.

Well today was 15 days after his birthday...and guess who got a bendy seatbelt?!

I really never thought Sam was going to stop sucking his thumb this easily. But I'm thrilled! And so proud of him for doing it...and he worked hard...and with few reminders from me.

Painting our Bedroom

2012-01-08T18:49:00.000-08:00

After living in our house for over a year and having multiple paint colors tested on the walls, I finally decided what to do! The room is large and I didn't want to feel swallowed by a single color so we chose two complementary colors and painted them on opposing walls. We used Valspar Leafy Rise (the green) and Lyndhurst Timber.

New paint colors!

Our bedroom feels so warm and cozy now. I love it! But after getting all the walls painted, I decided the gold outlet covers and switch plates had to go. I do not like shiny gold in my house. Yuck.

Outlet cover before: ugly gold.

We are renting our house do I didn't want to invest much into it, so spray paint was my answer! I scuffed up the surface of the plate and the head of the screws with steel wool and sprayed away. I stuck the screws into a piece of cardboard so I could spray paint them easier. I used Valspar Metallic Silver. I think they look great!


Outlet cover after: awesome silver!

Now that the walls are wonderfully warm, I need to find a great duvet to go with. The job has been much more difficult that I thought. Any ideas?

One Sweet Half

2011-05-20T18:25:00.000-07:00

For some reason I thought it was a great idea to train and then run a half marathon. Well, it turned out to be a VERY good idea! I signed up for a training group and got ME time twice a week...and had a blast! Made some great new friends and whipped my body back into shape. May 15th, I ran in the Marine Corps Historic Half and finished in 2:39. Pretty damn proud of myself!

Welcome to the world, Ryan!

2010-10-13T13:15:00.001-07:00

The newest little boy has finally arrived!
Ryan was born October 4th at 9:55 pm weighing in at 7lbs, 14oz and 21.5 inches long.

The 3 loves of our lives!

One Year

2010-09-21T12:20:00.000-07:00

A lot can change in a year. A WHOLE LOT.

It was one year ago today that I learned I had cancer again. One year ago today that I was uncertain about what my future would hold. One year ago today I felt crushed and defeated.

But I picked myself off the floor and charged on. I don't know any other way to fight the beast. I put on my gloves, hopped into the ring, and let cancer have it. I wasn't going to let it dictate my life again. As my sister-in-law told me, "Some people take lemons in life and make lemonade. You take a lemon and make a baby!"

So take that cancer. Another year from now you will be farther behind me and my brood of boys!

A month to go...

2010-09-06T07:14:00.000-07:00

I was 35 weeks when this picture was taken and today is just 1 month to go until baby boy #3's due date! Thought we could have some fun and guess when the baby is going to come. Visit http://www.expectnet.com/games/JackAndSamsBrother to place your guess!

Hawai'i

2009-06-07T12:47:00.001-07:00

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Jack the Pilot

2009-05-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

Many months behind in postings, being a mom of 2 active boys with a deployed hubby will do that! Enjoy this flick of Jack the Pilot!

It's the buttons, Mom!

2008-11-23T21:28:00.000-08:00

Since Ian had his meniscus repair last Thursday, he's been sitting around...a lot. He The boys have enjoyed having jobs to do, especially taking things to Ian. Sam takes great pride in delivering a water bottle or tissue to Ian, giving himself a big round of applause afterward. Yesterday morning, Ian was snuggling with the boys and one of the blankets. Jack decided they needed to go camping.

As all three of them hid under the blanket a conversation started about seeing bears while camping. They were camping in bear country and Jack decided he needed to wear bear clothes.

"Bear clothes, Jack? What are they for?" I couldn't wait to hear his reply, his imagination is red-hot right now!

"They're for protection, Mom."

"What about the clothes protects you from the bears?"

"The buttons protect us. It's the buttons, Mom!"

Of course, the buttons, what was I thinking?!

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T08:17:00.000-07:00

October 2, 2008

2008-10-28T16:08:00.000-07:00

After some slight harrassing from a friend, I finally got my act together and finished a slideshow for Sam's finalization. We've had a rough couple weeks, but are Surviving...

On October 2nd, we finalized Sam Yoosung's adoption. It was a fun day! Jack had school in the morning and Sam helped me in the kitchen getting ready for company after the courthouse. Many of our friends-who-are-fmaily joined us at the courthouse and then later for a Korean dinner at our home.

The judge was so kind and everyong got a Snoopy stamp on their hand, picked out by Samy! As with Jack's finalization, I didn't think it could feel any more "official" but it did. It was very exciting this time to be able to go in front of a judge and make it official. After Ian, myself, and the judge signed the documents she said, "And now we clap because it's official!" Needless to say there were few dry eyes in the jury box (where our guests sat)!

Enjoy!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Footprints by Dorthy Ferguson

2008-10-21T23:19:00.000-07:00

How very softly
You tiptoed into my world.
Almost silently,
Only a moment you stayed.
But what an imprint
Your footsteps have left
Upon my heart.

Milestones: First Day of Pre-School

2008-09-16T16:14:00.000-07:00

As I look back over the last year, my sweet little Jack has grown quite a bit! In the last year, Jack has gone from diapers to big boy undies, crib to big boy bed, and now pre-school. Where has my baby gone? He's growing up! And while it's sad to loose my baby, it sure is fun to watch him grow! As I drove him to school this morning, I peeked at him in the kid-view mirror. His reflection was at the corner and distorted a bit, but it made him have that perfectly round face and cubby, chubby cheeks he had as a baby. I just about burst into tears! I miss that little face and the cuddly baby...but Jack has turned into a sweet, sensitive, cuddly boy!

No first day of school would be complete without front porch pictures!

And here is my pre-schooler by the wishing well made by my Dad

The day has come

2008-09-06T20:43:00.000-07:00

I knew the day would come. The day comes without warning during a mundane activity. The day that all the adoption parenting books talk about. The day your social worker helps you prepare for. The day the adoption parenting classes help you practice. The day that is discussed frequently on adoption forums. The day when your child asks you questions about adoption. Not just questions about the day we got his picture and I ran down the hall and got to the front office before the UPS man was out of his truck, but deeper ones...ones that show he's really processing it. It was time to put my practice to the test...would I pass, would I help him understand? Would I give him too much information? Did I prepare enough for this?

"Mommy, were you adopted?" Jack asked as we washed his hands after using the potty.

I took a deep breath to gather my thoughts. This is it, I think, Jack is really understanding adoption. Please, God, let me do this right!

"No, Sweetheart, I wasn't adopted like you and Sam. I have only one mommy and you have three! Your Omma is your birthmother and Gramma is my birthmother. Your Omma is your first mommy, then Mrs. Park who took care of you in Korea is your second mommy, and I am your third mommy. Your mommy forever and ever." (Thank you, Third Mom!!)

"Mrs. Park bought us ice cream when we met her! And Sam has three mommies too, right?" For being only 3 and 1/2, Jack seems to put things together pretty quickly!

"She did buy us ice cream. And yes, Sam does have three mommies. He has his Omma, his foster mother, and me. I am yours and Sam's forever mommy."

"But, I have only one daddy?" That's when it hit me, I hadn't talked about the daddies...he does have 3 daddies, and we have talked about his Appa but not as much as his Omma. Uhg, I failed, I thought.

"Well, you have three daddies too..." and I explained his Appa, foster father, and Ian being his forever daddy.

"Okay, Mommy. Can I have a snack now?"

I guess I did okay for the first time. Next time I will be sure to not forget the daddies...but next time I think it will be an even more challenging question. And I do have to remember that Jack brought it up so that means he is comfortable asking me questions about adoption...and that is what I have been striving for.

2008-08-03T20:20:00.000-07:00

Busy, busy month!

2008-08-03T20:11:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness we have been busy! Having 2 boys certainly makes interesting and FUN days! Once I am asleep at night, I am sleeping pretty soundly! We have had a few visitors since Sam's arrival...my parents surprised us at the airport when we arrived home in addition to Alethea (Ian's older sister); Ian's parents came a couple weeks later; and our friend Migum and her son Blas came this week. We haven't seen Migum and Blas for 3 years so it was nice to catch up. Blas and Jack are just 4 months apart and they got along great! We can't wait to see them again. And Migum taught us a hand game that Korean mommies play with their babies...Sam Yoosung was sure glad we learned that! His eyes lit up when Migum started doing it! These last 6 weeks have been a blur of fun, crying, frustration, playing, Sea World, playgroup, cleaning, and more fun! Settling into being a family of 4 has been an adjustment for all of us but we are figuring it out.

Sam's attachment and adjustment are going so well. He is so comfortable and is understanding most of what we say now. He has been picking up the signing very fast and is using the signs a lot. He is a very smiley child and is quite curious. Jack is easing into his big brother role very well. He enjoys helping me get a bottle for Sam and always makes sure that Sam has plenty to eat. Jack can also open the fridge by himself and can turn the lights on with the light switch! He is getting big!

Enjoy the slide show!

Forever Family!

2008-06-16T23:24:00.001-07:00

Forever Family

2008-06-16T22:47:00.001-07:00

What a very emotional day for us! I have more pictures, but did not include them to protect the foster mother's privacy. It was very obvious that Yoosung is well loved by all at SWS. Many case workers stopped by to say something to Sam and our case worker made us promise that we'd email when got home. She wants to make sure Yoosung is home safe and sound.

Sam wasn't sure about us at first, but warmed up pretty quickly to Jack. Sam knew something was going on, but not really sure what. We played for about 45 minutes, then met some of the people who helped us bring Sam home. When it was time for us to leave, I could barely hold it together. I couldn't believe that it was really happening, we were adding another boy to our family but I was feeling so sad for Yoosung, his foster mother, and all the people who have gotten to know and love him. Our night went better than I expected. As soon as we got back, Jack and Sam played then we joined another family for dinner. Sam didn't want to eat, so I walked around outside with him. We gave the boys baths tried together at first but Sam didn't know what to do in the tub. Jack tried his best to show him, but Sam wanted the sink (where he was bathed by his foster mother). I carried Sam around on my back to get him to sleep and both boys slept great all night! Each woke once, Jack to potty and Sam had a bit of a meltdown. But all in all our first night as a family was fairly smooth.

Welcome home, Sam Yoosung! We are so glad we are all together!

And 3 become 4...

2008-06-15T16:00:00.000-07:00

June 16, 2008, 7:58 AM
This is the verse of the day on my iGoogle homepage:

Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a
reward from him.
Psalm 127:3

I cannot think of a more fitting verse as we add another sweet son to our family! In just a few hours our family will grow and none of us can wait! 3 pm and Sam will be part of his forever family.

Day 4 - Father's Day, Itaewon again, with Forum Friends

2008-06-15T01:07:00.000-07:00

What Father's Day is complete without a lunch at Outback? And in Korea? We learned that the Outback here is superior to the Outbacks back home. First of all, Jack got actual silverware made for kids! Each time we got to Outback at home, Jack ends with with a huge spoon he can barely fit in his mouth. The menu also had lots of things the menu doesn't have back home. And it was open for lunch and not because it was Mother's of Father's Day! We like the Outback in Itaewon!

And Jack did the Sprinkler for Father's Day! Hope it was a good day, Daddy!
Today we met Christa and Steve again and also met another couple from the adoption forum, Melissa and Scott. We all went into Itaewon together and Ian and I were the tour guides. We each did a bit of shopping and a lot of chatting! Christa and Melissa are meeting their kids tomorrow and were oozing with the excitement of that. With us picking up Sam tomorrow, there was plenty of excitement from us too! Christa, Melissa, and I were gabbing like a bunch of middle school girls and the guys chatted quitely behind us. Each of us are glad that the stress of the waiting is just about to an end and are looking forward to the next stages of our families.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edited to add a brag on my oldest son.

This trip has been hard, emotionally and physically. We have done a lot, seen a lot, walked a lot. And Jack has kept up the best he can. He's had only 1 major meltdown (at the palace yesterday) and has had a smile on his face just about the entire time! We have learned that Jack is a very good traveler and can be pushed beyond his limits. I am so proud of Jack with how well he has done thus far with all the change, travel, different foods, and excitement. Way to go, Son!

Day 3 - Day with Mrs. G and Forum Friends

2008-06-14T04:38:00.000-07:00

Today we spent most of the day with the mother of a friend of ours. We know Migum from Charlotte and were thrilled that she had encouraged us to contact her mom once in Seoul. Mrs. G took us to a palace, out to eat, and showed us about Seoul. We learned more about Korea today than we ever had! There is definitely something to be said for spending some time with a local!

First we went to Gyeongbokgung Palace. It was beautiful! The paintings and scultpures/statues were fantastic. The National Folk Museum is also located here and we visited there too. Mrs. G helped us obtain an English guide to show us around so he could explain everything to us. It was really interesting to learn about Korean history, everyday life, and art. We got to see how the King and Queen lived in the palace although it was cut short by the temper tantrum of a certain 3 year old (This is the first he's had since leaving San Diego so we certainly cannot complain! Jack is a trooper!). Maybe we'll be able to go back and look around some more another day. Once in the car, he started calming down. I think the heat and just being outside so much was getting to him. Mrs. G took us to a wonderful authentic Korean restaurant. We ate octopus, small fish, anchovies, bulgogi, jap-chae, and other tasty dishes I can't name. I tried everything I could, but some of the food smelled so spicy I knew I couldn't tolerate it. Some of the food didn't seem spicy, but the spice built and within minutes I felt my mouth on fire! We learned that you eat rice with a spoon and mixing bulgogi, kimchi, and rice is wonderful (well, I didn't do that for the spicy kimchi!). It was really neat to eat in an old Korean house at a low table and have an authentic Korean meal.

Afterwards, she took us to Namdaemun market and we got to experience that. It was quite crowed with shoppers and the vendors with their goods. I am amazed at how many people are in Seoul, and this market was just a small portion! The market is divided up into sections and each section sells certain goods. All of the kids stuff is in one area, household goods in another, and so on. It was better than any department store in the US!

We also met today, two families I met on an online adoption forum. They both received their travel calls this week and are staying at the same hotel. One family already had plans, but we met the other couple (Christa and Steve) for dinner and we walked around Insadong. It was really fun to meet them in person and we all shared in one another's excitement of the children that would soon be joining our families. Christa and I talked and talked this evening and we are going to go to Itaewon tomorrow together. It is really neat to have another family here that is going through the same thing as us. We didn't get to experience that before so I am glad we are this time around!

Various pictures around the palace. It's amazing to me that something this beautiful and serene is located in the middle of a very busy city!

Day 2 - Itaewon and Meeting with Jack's Foster Mom

2008-06-13T01:34:00.000-07:00

This morning we went to Itaewon, a shopping district near the US Army base. We went there when we traveled for Jack and wanted to visit a few of the shops we had before. One of them was no longer there and the other shop was unattended (a street booth). We will be going back to visit the booth to get a name scroll made for Sam and name chops made for both boys. We had fun walking around and taking everything in. Went into Hamilton shopping center and bought a few souvenirs. Then we headed over to Holt, Korea offices to meet with Jack's foster mother.

After we received the travel call for Sam, I contacted WACAP to see if they would be able to set up a meeting for us with Jack's foster mother. We found out the day before we left that we would be able to see her. What a treasure meeting with Mrs. Park was! Somewhere in the communication, it was lost that Jack was going to be with us. When we arrived at the Holt, Korea office she happened to be by the door and she shouted, "Seung Joon-ee!" It brought tears to my eyes! It was obvious that she was very excited to see him and after we sat down with a Holt staff person, Mr. Kim, it was explained why she was so surprised.

We had a lovely visit talking about Jack and how he has been. Mrs. Park said that she really remembers him because he was such a smart baby, and that has continued to be true about our Seung Joon. I had several pictures printed out and burned a CD full of them for her and also had a few little gifts for her. She bought a cute outfit for Jack that he'll grow into (she commented that he is small, something we get a lot!). There are really no words to explain how wonderful it was to see her and talk with her. Jack had to use the restroom and while Mr. Kim showed Ian where to take him, Mrs. Park and I sat holding hands and smiling at one another. Nothing needed to be said, we both knew what the other was thinking, Thank you for this opportunity.

As we were leaving, Mrs. Park and the 3 of us walked out together. She took us into a little convenience store about bought us all ice cream and Jack a juice. I tried to say no, but she insisted. I felt quite honored that she wanted to do something for us, when it was her that did so much for our son. And as she handed Jack the ice cream, he said his first Korean word kamsahamnida, thank you. I don't think Mrs. Park realized it was the first time he said it, but she smiled very big at Jack when he said it, and in my heart I know he was saving it for her.

Day 1 - Meeting Sam

2008-06-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

We arrived safely in Seoul after a long flight and all slept good...until a little after 4 am. We laid in bed as long as we could keep Jack there, then got up to start the day. After Ian blew up my hairdryer (with the adapter) we headed down to breakfast. The buffet was wonderful and Jack was a hit with the staff and guests. It's nice to see that his charm extends 'round the world!

And then it was time to meet Sam Yoosung! We took a taxi, which Jack loved; it was really neat to see so much of Seoul. When we were here 3 years ago, we rode the subway so much that we didn't get to just ride around and take it in, so the taxi was a treat for all 3 of us! We arrived at SWS, met Sam's case worker then headed to his foster family's home. It was so neat to see where he has been living for the last year and an honor to be invited in his foster family's home. As hard as the travel is to get here, being able to see where he has been living, meet his foster mother, and talk with her is worth more!

Yoosung is a very happy boy who definitely has an opinion. Sam isn't shy, but wasn't too sure about me when I tried to touch his hand. He warmed up a little more after 15 minutes or so and then wanted me to stroke his hair when he did something good (Jack and Sam were stacking blocks and Sam did a good job). Jack and Sam got along great and were so cute playing together...my two sons were playing together! Jack was so sweet, kept wanting to hold Sam's hand and always let him have a turn first.

Say kimchi! Sam is a very smiley boy!

My sons, Sam Yoosung and John Seung Joon, the first of many cute pictures together!

Sam is very curious and wanted to check out my camera and Ian with the video camera.

Sam was opening and shutting the side door. We learned how to tell him no today, an do.

After meeting with Sam and his foster mother, we headed back to the agency and got to visit the baby's home. It's where babies spend the first couple months of their lives and where Sam lived until he joined his foster family. Sam was very much loved by the staff there and when they heard he had a family, they were all overjoyed. There are no words to describe how grateful I am to all these women who have cared for Yoosung and helped him turn into the happy, curious boy he is.

We cannot wait to see Sam again, especially Jack. He was crying this evening because he wanted Sam! We'll have to wait four more days to see him again; Monday, June 16, Sam Yoosung will become ours forever!

Last Days as Three

2008-06-09T22:12:00.000-07:00

Ian and I have been trying to make this weekend very special for Jack. His world is about ready to be rocked so we want to stock him up on as much love as we can! As excited as he is about this trip, I know it will be a bit difficult for him. In addition to losing center stage, I am certain there will be feelings about adoption brought forth. I can't even imagine what is going through his head, but I hope he knows that no matter what it is, we love him always and forever.

We went to Sea World on Saturday and took in as many shows as we could including Cirque de La Mer, which Jack thought was fantastic! We were fascinated by the strength of the performers to hold their bodies and balance on the poles, and each other. Truly amazing. We also visited the Tide pool there and Jack was brave enough to pick up a sea star. He normally doesn't want to touch the animals or fish, so I was very proud of him for trying something new. It happened with little prompting from us, so our little man is getting brave!

Tonight we took Jack to see Kung Fu Panda, and it was great! It was his first time at a movie theater so he was really taking it all in. Jack sat on our laps and just laid back like the King he is, munching on the popcorn. It was so nice to snuggle with him tonight, it's rare these days that I get snuggles for that long. He really enjoyed the jumping around of the characters and thought they were silly. He really got giggling when the panda and the Kung Fu Master were both trying to get a dumpling and were fighting with their chopsticks.

My favorite part of the movie is that the panda, Po, and his father work in their noodle restaurant. The restaurant has been owned by generations of his family, who are all ducks. That's right, adoption was slipped in! It was so refreshing to see that and not have it be a big deal. Father is a duck, son is a panda, that's the family, no questions asked. I don't think Jack caught on, but maybe that will be something brought up on the plane ride. He has a tendency to bring up topics at a later time when it comes to his mind or maybe after he's thought about it for a while...for being only 3 years old, he is certainly very thoughtful.

As we close out our last days as a family of three, I am becoming quite sentimental. I want to remember everything about Jack right now...his tiny hand holding mine, his big hugs, his messy kisses, his bubbly giggles, his sweet voice. Because I know that after I have two little boys running around our home, time will pass quicker than I wish. I am looking forward to what Sam will be adding to our family, but I don't want to ever forget Baby Jack.

I'll show you cannon ball!

2008-06-06T14:26:00.000-07:00

We went to the pool this morning and Jack had a BLAST! He has always loved the water, but today he was in heaven...jumping and shouting,

"I'll show you cannon ball!"

(he got that from Curious George on PBS)

Enjoy my little cannon baller!

Happy Gotcha Day, Jack!

2008-06-03T08:45:00.000-07:00

3 years ago today we became a family of three! It was a day filled with mixed emotions...joy for us that we were gaining a son, sadness for Jack's foster family, joy for Jack that he was gaining a forever family, sadness for Jack's birthmother, sadness for Jack that he was leaving the only home he'd ever known. It was a hard evening for all 3 of us, the day he joined our family; Ian and I were brand new parents and Jack was confused about what was going on. There was lots of tears, both happy and sad, but soon he learned to trust us and we learned to decode his 5 month old cries.

And today as we celebrate being a family, I realize that Jack is starting to understand what adoption means. I am not so certain that he grasps the loss he experienced, but I do know he is grasping the concept of growing in his Omma's tummy and us being his forever family. I know that Sam's adoption process has helped with his understanding and I hope that Jack will be able to share his knowledge with Sam. I hope too, that I am able to help them along this confusing path and allow them experience whatever emotion they need.

As I remember the day Jack was placed in my arms, I can't help but to smile. As the social worker explained to me what was in our blue bag, Jack laid his head on my shoulder. The world disappeared and it was just me and my child. I was finally a mother, and my child was cozying up to me, his forever mommy.

Happy Gotcha Day, John Seung Joon! I am so glad that we got you and you got us.

HERE WE COME, SAM!!!

2008-06-01T13:58:00.000-07:00

Instead of my usual alarm clock (Jack), it was the phone that woke me at 6:20 am on May 29th. And what a wake-up it was! Nothing like starting my day finding out Sam is ready to come home!! Even better than hearing that was Jack's reaction. I went in to get him up, knowing full well I woke him with my excited shouts!

I whispered in his ear, "Jack, guess who's paperwork is done?"

He popped right up in bed, "My baby brother?! He's ready to come home! (starts to climb out of bed) Let's go get him!"

It was so sweet and he is so excited to go to Korea to meet him! Then Friday as we drove to Wal-mart he says:

Mommy, we are going to be Sam's forever family.

Ahhhh, sweet boy! He is really starting to understand adoption and even more important his own adoption process.

We are flying out on June 10th and will returned on June 18th. I cannot wait to walk through my front door as a family of FOUR!!

Hold tight, Sam! We're on our way!!

Update! Update!

2008-05-16T08:53:00.000-07:00

What a difference 10 months makes! Sam is now 16 months old, 31", and a bit over 24 lbs. And he's leaving the baby behind! I love that he is growing so much and doing so fabulous, but it makes me even more anxious to meet him!

We got a fabulous update about him and Sam is growing and thriving (as you can see!). I am a bit afraid he is going to eat us poor...he takes five 8 ounces bottles in addition to 3 meals a day at the table! He also loves cookies and will point to where they are kept in the kitchen and ask his foster mother for them.

Sam also enjoys being outside. When he is ready to go out, he will stand by the door with his socks and shoes and call "Umma! Appa!" while he tries to put on his socks and shoes. After he gets his diaper changed, he runs away...a trick his big brother did about that age! He appears to be meeting all the developmental milestones for his age. I wasn't concerned about that, but it is nice to know he isn't behind!

After reading the report, I felt so good...not only that we got more information about our son, but I know that his foster family loves him so much! There is no doubt in my mind that Sam is being cared for by a loving and incredible family. Sam seems to be a happy child which I attribute to the love and care of his foster family. I am looking forward to meeting them as well.

Jack is more than excited to meet Sam now. After seeing the pictures yesterday he wanted to know when Sam's paperwork would be done, "I can't wait to meet him, Mom!" Jack has come up with several more things to teach Sam, including how to do thumbs up. I never could had predicted this reaction out of Jack! There is a chance Jack may be more excited than me and Ian about bringing Sam home!

At this point in the process, all the stateside of the paperwork is done. We are waiting for Korea to finish up their documents and then Sam's immigration Visa can be applied for and issued.

Hurry, hurry! We are ready for our toddler!

Tick tock, tick tock...

2008-05-01T15:55:00.000-07:00

Something today has gotten me especially anxious about getting Sam home. Don't know what it is, but I am ready to have him home yesterday!

Maybe it's Jack coming up with new things every day that he wants to teach Sam.

Or that I pulled out Jack's old clothes and stuffed them into the dresser...it's to the brim with 12-18 and 18-24 mo clothes and Jack's...because we still don't know what size he's wearing .

Or that today Jack was tickling a picture of Sam and said he can't wait to tickle him .

Or maybe I'm just tired of waiting.

Yeah, that's probably it.

I am ready any time. Do not keep me waiting.
~John Mason Brown

Sam we are ready for you...as soon as Korea let's us, we'll be on our way!

I was Tagged!

2008-04-17T14:40:00.000-07:00

Beckie tagged me. If you are tagged, link your post to the blog that tagged you then tag five new blogs. Have fun!

7 weird/unknown things about me, Cynthia: (courtesy of Mindy)
1. My feet are always cold. It can be 115 degrees and my feet will still be ice cubes. No amount of socks or blankets can keep them warm.
2. I can fit an entire Hostess Ho-Ho into my mouth. I used to be able to eat it then too, but would probably choke now.
3. I was a State Champion hurdler in high school: 2 wins in 100m hurdles and 2 wins in 55m hurdles (indoor track) at the State level.
4. I met Ian at Winthrop when he was talking with a friend of mine and I inserted myself into the conversation so I could meet him. We didn't start dating until a year later, but when we did, I knew I would marry him.
5. I like to organize stuff. My house doesn't always reflect that, but give me a label maker, some file folders, a couple boxes, and I'm in heaven!
6. Grilling is my favorite method of cooking. I want to bake a cake on the grill one day.
7. I will not eat bananas that have brown spots on the skin. The yellower the better, and a hint of green is okay with me!

The 5 bravest things I've ever done (in not particular order): (courtesy of Beckie)
1. Told Ian to call the recruiter after 9/11. After I realized what had happened, I knew that Ian needed to re-enlist in the Marine Corps. We didn't really talk about it because we both knew that he is called to be a Marine.
2. Went to Washington, DC to advocate for funding for cancer research and related legislation. I really enjoy doing it, but it is hard to talk to the people who are running our country and get your point across in less than 3 minutes without their eyes glazing over. A simple gesture to my scar while I share my story does wonders for that though.
3. Became a mother. Sure it looks all fun and game and snuggles, but there are times when it feels like you are being pecked to death by chickens. It is the most difficult thing I have ever done but also the most rewarding. I wouldn't trade it for the world!
4. Decided to share my story whenever I can. When I was diagnosed with cancer I knew no young adults that had battled it. Now, I try to make sure that nearly everyone I meet knows my story so that I may help another young adult with their battle as well. Having some one that has been there, done that always makes it easier to keep your dukes up.
5. Fought cancer (and kicked it's ass). I personally don't think it's so brave because honestly, did I have a choice? It wasn't something I chose to do, but I did choose how I would react to it. And having a good outlook made the battle a bit more interesting.

I am tagging:
Genderist
Becky
Emherbert
Erin
Teacher Mom

We Remember

2008-04-16T08:56:00.000-07:00

We remember that horrible tradgey that occured one year ago today. The world still mourns your loss. May the Hokie Spirit prevail.

May you never be forgotten...

Ross A. Alameddine
Christopher James Bishop
Brian Roy Bluhm
Ryan Christopher Clark
Austin Michelle Cloyd
Jocelyne Couture-Nowak
Kevin P. Granata
Matthew Gregory Gwaltney
Caitlin Millar Hammaren
Jeremy Michael Herbstritt
Rachael Elizabeth Hill
Emily Jane Hilscher
Jarrett Lee Lane
Matthew Joseph La Porte
Henry J. Lee
Liviu Librescu
G.V. Loganathan
Partahi Mamora Halomoan Lumbantoruan
Lauren Ashley McCain
Daniel Patrick O'Neil
Juan Ramon Ortiz-Ortiz
Minal Hiralal Panchal
Daniel Alejandro Perez
Erin Nicole Peterson
Michael Steven Pohle, Jr.
Julia Kathleen Pryde
Mary Karen Read
Reema Joseph Samaha
Waleed Mohamed Shaalan
Leslie Geraldine Sherman
Maxine Shelly Turner
Nicole Regina White

5 Years

2008-04-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

Today is a bittersweet day for me. Five years ago today I heard those awful words for the first time, "You have cancer." There are few things in life more traumatizing to hear. And add on top that Ian had been in Iraq for 3 months, during the invasion.

Needless to say, I approach this day with a bit of sorrow.

But it's been five years! And I'm here! There was never a doubt that I wouldn't be, as papillary thyroid carcinoma is rarely fatal; but that slight chance was always pecking at the back of my head. And I didn't think that Ian and I would be parents at my 5 year mark of Survivorship.

And here we are with a sweet 3 year old son and an adorable 15 month old waiting for us in Korea. Both boys are nothing short of a miracle.

And now I am approaching a new phase in my Survivorship. One that includes fewer doctor appointments. I had appointments with each of my new doctors here recently. I have met with them a few times (I had a scan last Fall, it was clean), but I knew I was approaching the point where we could lengthen the amount of time between appointments. It gets a bit tiresome to go in just for them to feel my neck, check my labs, and tell me to come back in 3 months. It's been going on for 5 years. I expected that point to be to be at the end of this year after my scan, so when my endocrinologist told me to call him in October to schedule my scan I just about fell off the chair.

"October?! That's like 8 months away!"

What am I going to do with all my free time?

Hmm...I think I'll be spending time with my boys and enjoying being doctor free, even if it's just for 8 months.

Happy doctor-free Cancerversary to me!

Heeeeeeere's Sam!

2008-03-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

Here Jack is once again sporting his hyong t-shirt, but this time with a little somethin' extra! Could he be any more proud to be a big brother? I think not!

And what happened to baby Jack...he does not appear to be anything but a big boy now!

Sam at 5 months (he is now 15 months), this is the picture we fell in love with!

Those serious eyes and chunky cheeks...
These next 2 are Sam at 6 months at almost 21 pounds...I have a feeling my boys will be sharing clothes (Jack is about 29 pounds and 3 years old).
And check out this mischievous smile. I think I am going to have my hands full with both of my boys! (Oh how I love saying that...)

We are hoping to receive some more recent pictures (and height/weight info) of Sam before we travel. But until then I just drool over the ones we have!

Jack is a big brother!

2008-03-20T14:50:00.000-07:00

We have had a VERY exciting few weeks in our household! Ian and I have been reviewing the information of a sweet little guy in Korea and are now knee-deep in adoption paperwork! We started the process last fall and planned to share our second adoption plans once we were waiting for a referral. Instead, we spotted a little guy on a waiting child list and fell in love. We requested his file in mid-January and had a couple doctors look over his file. Ian and I knew that this little guy was our second son and waiting for 3 long weeks to find out if Korea felt the same way.

On March 4th, I awoke thinking of Jack and this little guy. Would today be the day we find out? It was the 3rd anniversary of when we'd learned Jack would be our son and that was on my mind...how wonderful that evening was! I checked my email and saw I had an email from my contact at the agency (Children's Home Society and Children's Services):

We have the answer. He's yours! Yahoo!

I could barely talk I was so excited. And Ian was smiling ear to ear (which is a feat in itself). Jack is all about being a big brother and has been talking about all the things he can teach his little brother, Sam. We can't post pictures yet, but I can tell you he is a chunky and handsome 14 month old!

I have been waiting to post this exciting news until our families knew. We called my family later that week and made Jack's t-shirt (pictured) to tell Ian's family. The all arrived last Saturday and Carla was the first to notice Jack's hyong shirt (hyong means older brother of a boy in Korean). When Jack turned around, they all saw "I'm a big brother!" on the back. When the evening flight arrived, Jack was already in his pjs and ran out with Sam's picture to share. Everyone was shocked and thrilled at our news!

We hope to be traveling to Korea to bring Sam home in 9 - 13 weeks (late May to mid-June). We will keep you posted on the latest!

DHL

2008-03-14T15:58:00.000-07:00

We received a VERY important package yesterday...

...details to follow

The Best of the Best of the Best

2008-03-07T21:10:00.000-08:00

The last day that Jack and I were in Hawaii, Jen and I took the kids (2 three year olds and a 1 year old) out to lunch. If you ever done that you know it is quite an adventure! We ate at a fabulous little place on the ocean on Hickam AFB. We saw lots of airplanes and a big Navy ship, lots of fun for the kids!

I ordered food for me and the kids then Jen went up and ordered her food. While she was gone, the food I ordered was ready. I was going to wait until she was back so there wouldn't be 3 unattended children on the patio. Well, apparently I wasn't fast enough because a cook came out and called my number in a very stern voice. I told her I'd be in as soon as my friend returned, I had 3 kids with me.

Since the restaurant was on base, there were lots of military personnel there. Mostly Air Force and Army, with only one Marine. The Marine, who is all of about 20 years old, and likely has no children said, "I'll keep an eye on your kids, Ma'am."

I was floored by this. I was surrounded by older military personnel, a group of women, and a group of grandparent-y type people and it was the lone, young Leatherneck out of all of them that offered to help.

I don't think I have ever been more proud of the Marine Corps than I was at that moment.

Aloha!

2008-02-21T17:10:00.000-08:00

That's right, we're in Hawaii! And it sure is great to be visiting friends here on Oahu. Jack did incredible on the plane ride and has adjusted pretty well to the time change. It's only 2 hours so it's not too bad. I am enjoying having adult conversation after Jack goes to bed and Jack is enjoying playing with his Sophie! These pictures are from our visit to Dole Pineapple Plantation:

Our 3 year olds!

As Jack says, "This is me with the pineapple on a plant in the dirt. I have my map."

Jack and Sophie loved riding the Pineapple Express to see the pineapple fields

Jen told me the name of this mountain when I took the picture, but I promptly forgot. I will edit if I find out.

Pineapple plants; we were told that a great planter could plant about 10,000 pineapple plants a day! They use the top part of the pineapple.

Thank you, Ann Marie

2008-02-03T14:40:00.000-08:00

When you are diagnosed with cancer, you feel so alone. You feel like there is no one out there that understands. You don't really know where to turn. I turned to the internet after my diagnosis and found a whole world of support that I didn't know existed before. My ThyCa group proved to be very useful for explain treatments, surgeries, lab results, what to expect, etc. But there was still all the emotions to deal with, and the listserv wasn't enough. Then I found help at the very school I was working in. I found Ann Marie.

Ann Marie was an angel on earth. We didn't talk until several months after my diagnosis (many people at school didn't even know that the new PE teacher had cancer), but she helped me through some of the most difficult emotions of cancer since she had been there already. Having cancer is tough enough, but having cancer in your early 20s brings a whole new set of problems. Ann Marie taught me it was okay to ask as many questions as you needed, and to question your doctors if you didn't agree with that they were doing. "You know your body better than anyone else, even better than your doctors."

She prayed for me and with me. Ann Marie knew what I was going through as a 20-something with cancer. I can remember us having long talks in the equipment room at JCMS, and always feeling empowered and ready to kick some cancer ass afterwards. She was so encouraging, uplifting, and supportive. I guess you could have called her my cancer Survivor Mentor. And in turn, I have taken what I have learned from her and passed it on to others.

Ann Marie passed away on February 1st. She had been battling colon cancer for a while. I cannot imagine the pain that her husband and small son are feeling. My heart breaks to know that cancer has taken another person from this earth. That she won't be able to encourage another young woman fighting cancer with her words, her smile, her jokes. She will be missed, she is already missed. But she will never be forgotten. I will continue to share the knowledge and strength she gave me with other Survivors. I will continue to remember the encouragement she gave me each time I had a check-up. I will pass along that same encouragement and wisdom she gave me.

Thank you, Ann Marie.

Random thoughts

2008-01-27T22:30:00.000-08:00

Some random thoughts for this rainy weekend we had:

Vacuuming is waaaay fun to a 3 year old. Jack thought it was hysterical when I vacuumed his pants today, "More, Mommy, more!"
Planting flower bulbs is much more fun (and a little difficult) with a 3 year old boy! We planted Gladiolus, Calla Lilies, and Freesia along the sunny side of our house and in a large pot. Jack thought it was great to dig and bury the bulbs. Hopefully he won't dig them up now!
Who ever designed our housing is an idiot. Laundry room of Unit B next to only wall a bed can go on in master bedroom of Unit A (ours) = BAD IDEA.
Skype should be available to all deployed service members and their families. Jack has loved listening and seeing Ian read books to him every evening.
There are few things better than your son crawling on your lap, wrapping his arms around your neck, and whispering into your ear, "I love you, Mommy. Very much."

I'ts December 28th in Korea...

2007-12-27T15:10:00.000-08:00

And that means I have a 3 year old!

As I celebrate my son's birthday, I cannot help but to think of the woman who carried him for 9 months and the man who stood by her side. Did she hug her belly on Christmas Day knowing the child she carried would soon be born? Did they whisper secrets to their son? Did they know what joy they were bringing to our family by making such a huge sacrifice?

All this week I have been thinking about Jack's birthparents and what a difficult decision they made. Because of their hardship, Ian and I were able to become parents. I am grateful for their sacrifice and I hope that we will raise a son that all four of us will be proud of. So many days I think I do not deserve this wonderful child, and I am saddened that his first parents are not able to be with him and enjoy the son we share.

So as Jack turns 3, I wish for his birthparents to know how loved he is by us and for Jack to know how loved he is by all of us.

Saengil chuka haeyo, Seung Joon-ah!

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-25T09:31:00.000-08:00

As I sit and type I hear Jack in the bathtub saying, "Merry Christmas, Daddy!" He has been asking us everyday for about a week if it is Christmas yet. He also wanted to know if Santa was going to be staying at our house. I think he was disappointed to find out that Santa comes when he is sleeping and he wouldn't see him.

Jack has been quite excited about Christmas. We are doing our best to emphasize this is the celebration of the birth of Christ and Jack is understanding that his and Jesus's birthdays are very close together. When I took the picture of Jack on his big, big bulldozer (his request from Santa), instead of cheese or strawberries, Jack shouted "Jesus!" So something we are saying is getting through!

We hope that each of you has had a wonderful Christmas!

Happy 232nd Birthday, Marines!

2007-11-08T20:33:00.000-08:00

As every Marine knows, the USMC birthday is fast approaching. Marines around the globe will celebrate together the beginnings of their beloved Corps. Here in our house, we celebrate too...but Little Marine style!

My Daddy, My Marine

Yes, Sir!

OOORAH!

To Marines near and far (especially Ben's Daddy), we salute you on this, your 232nd year of defending our nation's freedom.

Semper Fi!

Pumpkins and the Cutest Skunk!

2007-10-31T15:45:00.000-07:00

I just adore this age that Jack is at right now. He learns so quickly and everything is an adventure! His memory is really starting to develop and his imagination is going crazy. And did I mention cute? He is just the sweetest little guy...and reminds me that he is my little bunny (from The Runnaway Bunny).

Very few things are better for a little boy than squishing pumpkin guts!

We weren't even going to carve a pumpkin this year, but then I couldn't stand the thought of not having pictures for his scrapbook! Again, carving was done sans Ian, but Jack still had fun!

The pumpkin and the cutest skunk!

This fur is soft!

Eeeeew eee! What is that awful smell? You just got sprayed by the skunk!

Daddy, we hope that next year the Marine Corps will let you be home to take me trick or treating!

Help Daddy Dolls!

2007-10-02T08:15:00.000-07:00

I have written about the power of our Daddy Doll before, it is one of Jack's favorite cuddly items. Now YOU have the power to help children who have lost a parent in war. Please help every child at Snowball Express 2007!

Perfect Mommy Moment

2007-09-29T21:48:00.000-07:00

Jack has been a very active and talkative child recently. I have been barely able to keep up with him and as soon as he's awake he talks non-stop until he sleeps...even during meals and potty. The only quiet in my day is during naptime. Tonight as I was scooping food onto plates for dinner, this conversation took place:

Me: Jack, can you be quiet for 5 seconds?
Jack: Yup.

Me: (in a whisper to Ian) Wow, he can.

Jack: (after about 5 seconds) Mommy...?

Me: Yes, Jack.

Jack: Mommy, I love you.

My heart melts!

Laughter is the Best Medicine

2007-09-27T15:21:00.000-07:00

You can’t laugh and be afraid at the same time—of anything.~Stephen Colbert, Parade Magazine

When I started my journey through cancer, I was afraid...terrified even. My husband was in Iraq and I had cancer. A very treatable one, but the "C-word" nonetheless. The first few weeks after diagnosis were rough. I laughed very little and talked to very few people. When I was finally able to cope with having cancer it was freeing. I wasn't going to let this thing beat me, I wasn't going to let it take over my life. So send in the clowns!

I honestly think that my ability to deal with having cancer was because I tried to laugh through the whole thing. I couldn't put my finger on what it was about laughing at cancer that was so nice, until I read Parade Magazine this past weekend. There was an interesting story about Stephen Colbert, from The Colbert Report. I love the very last line in the story (the above quote), because you can't be afraid if you are laughing. I couldn't be afraid of cancer if I was always saying, "Na na na na boo boo!"

So I started trying to find ways to poke fun at cancer and find the humor in it. I now have many names for my scar: Pez-head, Zipper, my permanent smile, Cut-throat. Would I be like Spiderman after I received the radioactive iodine treatment? (Unfortunately I have not yet discovered any superpowers) Would I glow in the dark after said treatment? I was hoping for something fun, but nope. It has turned out that each time Ian has deployed he has returned early, because of me having cancer-related surgery (or being diagnosed), we are 3 for 3 with deployments and early returns. Hopefully we make it through an entire deployment sometime, but until then I'll enjoy my favorite joke, "Oh, go on that deployment, Honey, but I know exactly what to do to get you home early!"

Signing on for Another 4

2007-09-26T10:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Ian re-enlisted in the Marine Corps. He signed on for another 4 years plus the remainder of his current contract (which would have ended in April). So even though he'll deploy, he has a job for at leat 4 more years! There is nothing like job security, right?

Now that Ian has moved over to his squadron (VMFA 323), he had his ceremony in the hangar. It was pretty neat, I've neve been to a re-enlistment before and Jack LOVED seeing the jets up close.

It wasn't a long ceremony, mabye 10 mintues. There was a stack of paperwork for Ian to sign (I supposed enough to sign your life away) and even I was presented with a Certificate of Appreciation. It was the first time I was recognized by the Marine Corps. I felt pretty special too.

Adoption

2007-09-18T21:33:00.000-07:00

I love that our son joined our family through adoption. It was a long and sometimes difficult process, but at the end we were blessed with a miracle that God arranged over the whole Earth! When you meet other adoptive families, you instantly have this bond that no one outside the adoption community can understand. Whether your process was long or short, in the end what makes your family is love and not biology.

When we were waiting for our referral for Jack, I found a site especially for families adopting from Korea that were using the same agency as us. At first it was nice to know there were others who were struggling with the wait and were eager for our weekly updates from the program coordinator. The longer we waited, the more we leaned on each other for support and we became a family of sorts...an adoptive family. We each cheered and cried tears of joy for one another when we got our referrals and when our children we able to come home. It was so exciting to find out who got a referral or a travel call...and to find out who else was nesting like crazy! The site isn't as active as it was 2 years ago, but we still post pictures of our sweet children and enjoy sharing the challenges of parenthood.

One of my friends from the site has a dear friend who is waiting to adoption their second child. Because we are all a part of that adoption community, I volunteered to post their website on my blog...to cast their net out a little further. This couple has been networking for over a year now in search of a birthmother who desires to make an adoption plan for her child with little success. I hope my little blog can extend their network just a little more and help bring their family together forever.

http://brettandanneke.com/

Finally....a new post!

2007-09-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

It appears that I have been delinquent in posting on my blog...bad Mommavia. We have been busy here with the Terrible 2s showing up and a certain handsome boy not napping. That equals an exhausted Momma. I am terrified that he is kicking his afternoon nap...I love being with Jack, but it is nice to know that I have a couple hours of downtime every afternoon. I see that fading away...just like my baby.

Jack has started turning into a little boy, the baby Jack is almost gone. Part of it breaks my heart to see him grow up, but he really is a cheerful child and loves to laugh and make others laugh. He has been doing fantastic with using the potty. He only wears a diaper now at night and rarely has accidents. Each time he goes, he is so proud of himself...I guess it probably helps that I sing a special "potty song" each time, he gets a sticker for his poster, is allowed to choose what color M&M he eats, and gets a Matchbox car each 10 successes and a Curious George book at the end of an accident-free day. Potty training certainly can be expensive!

Now, for the pictures:

Making cookies with our friend Ben.

Enjoying the cookies!

At the zoo with Granpa L. We also went to Sea World when my Dad was here; it is unbelievable how much Jack loves animals of all kinds!

Jack' s new fish tank, he helps feed the fish.

Our spider...you can see the fly we threw in the web for him to eat. Russ & Jenni, do you remember feeding the spider at the Ranger Station? Ian thinks it's the same kind of spider.

Log on to MSNBC.com and Baby James!

2007-08-25T20:41:00.000-07:00

I am off to Iowa Sunday for the LIVESTRONG Presidential Cancer Forum. I pretty excited about this event...for the first time cancer is being addressed by the Presidential Candidates. I am anxious to hear how each candidate is going to respond and what their game plan is for putting an end to needless suffering and death caused by cancer. Did you know that cancer is the #1 killer of Americans under age 85?

That's right, #1. And yet action is not being taken to find a cure for the #1 killer. I think it's time.

You can see a live webcast at 10 am CT Monday and Tuesday at: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3096434/.

Also of note, Baby James has received a pretty incredible report! I know how excited I was when I had my first clean scan, but I can't even imagine the joy that James' family is sharing after such a long road. James still hasn't been given an NED (No Evidence of Disease) report, but his prognosis is looking better than before and his family can start to get into a normal life again. And to top it off, they received this news on the 1 year anniversary of when they first met James. Let's hear it for James!!

Lance on Hardball TONIGHT

2007-07-25T14:29:00.000-07:00

LAF is certainly leading the way to making cancer a national priority and to finding a cure. They aren't letting anything hold them down. Next month is the LIVESTRONG Presidential Cancer Forum in Iowa, putting the candidates on the spot about cancer. I am planning on going to both days of the forum, I think it'll be interesting to see how the different sides compare. Lane will be on Hardball tonight to discuss the Forum. Tune in! Check for local times.

If you are part of the LIVESTRONG Army, then you already received the email below from Jeff Manning at LAF. If you aren't then Join the Fight!

Every day the LIVESTRONG Army drives further down the field in the fight against cancer. Today, leading presidential candidates confirmed their participation in the historic LIVESTRONG Presidential Cancer Forum, and MSNBC and Chris Matthews, MSNBC Hardball host became the Forum broadcast partner and co-moderator along with Lance Armstrong for the LIVESTRONG Presidential Cancer Forum.
Tune in to Hardball tonight to hear Lance talk about the LIVESTRONG Presidential Cancer Forum and the questions Americans will be asking of the next commander-in-chief. Learn more about the LIVESTRONG Presidential Cancer Forum.
The LIVESTRONG Presidential Cancer Forum will be a historic event that puts cancer on the same national stage as other tough questions our country faces. If the candidate are discussing taxes, terrorism and education, they should also be discussing the country’s number one killer of people under 85.
The LAF has extended invitations to all candidates to join this historic LIVESTRONG Presidential Candidate Forum. As of today, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, Senator John Edwards and Gov. Bill Richardson will participate in the the August
27th Democrats LIVESTRONG Presidential Candidate Forum. Senator Sam Brownback, Governor Mike Hukabee and Governor Tommy Thompson will participate in the August 28th Republican LIVESTRONG Presidential Candidate
Forum.
Tickets to the LIVESTRONG Presidential Forum are free and open to the public on a first-come, first-serve basis. To reserve your tickets today, visit www.livestrong.org/forum.
MSNBC and Chris Matthews’ participation will give the LIVESTRONG Presidential Candidate Forum the public exposure that is critical to making cancer a national priority. Chris Matthews will also be holding live editions of Hardball following the two LIVESTRONG Presidential Cancer Forums in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.
Whoever wants to be commander-in-chief ought to answer the cancer question. As part of the LIVESTRONG Army, you can make sure candidates know we expect them to care about cancer and will take it seriously in their administration.
Tune in to Hardball tonight and mark your calendars today for the LIVESTRONG Presidential Cancer Forum—the day we ask the cancer question to the next leader of the United States.

Video: Our Stop in SC

2007-07-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

This was taken on our first day of driving for our move...notice how rested Ian is? At least we found a way to entertain Jack and get a little exercise!

Jack's ABC Adventure

2007-07-19T09:11:00.001-07:00

Adventures in Potty Training

2007-07-17T09:18:00.000-07:00

If you have ever tried to teach a child to use a toilet, you know how challenging that can be! We are headed into that adventure in our house. I'm not sure I am ready for it, but Jack has certainly been showing signs...waking up dry for naps, wanting to sit on the potty, and telling us when he's stinky. Part of me is so ready to leave the diapers and move on to the next step, but another part desperately wants to hold onto my baby. Not that I want to be changing poopy diapers for the rest of my life, but I know that Jack is turning into a big boy and I am really starting to see that the baby we brought home 2 years ago is slowly fading away.

Jack has been showing signs for a few months that he is ready to move out of diapers, but I have been putting it off. I felt that it would be useless to have him using the potty is we were going to be putting him in a car for a couple weeks and completely uprooting his life. I figured he'd regress and it'd making the whole process that much longer. It's possible that he would have been fine, but I really didn't have a deep desire for cleaning accidents in the car several times a day. So here we are, mostly settled in our new house and getting ready to tackle this adventure!

Ian and I have been building a potty-training arsenal consisting of books, stickers for a chart, and M&Ms. We have bought several potty-related books, and our favorite is Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi. It's part picture book part biology text. Jack loves it, and I find it entertaining...which is good since I'm reading it several times a day! I also recommend No Potty! Yes Potty! by Emily Bolam. Jack loves telling us that monkeys, bears, and elephants don't sit on the potty, but little boys do! Our stash of M&Ms for rewards has remained untouched thus far. Jack is very eager to get some "chok-lut" and reminds me that if he is successful he needs one; I know it won't be long and I'll be doling out M&Ms several times a day to my almost-big-boy. We put a big blue poster on that wall in the bathroom so Jack can put a sticker on it every time he makes a deposit, it is titled "Jack's Potty Score". My thinking is it will help him see how many times he has gone and will hopefully encourage him to want to add more to the chart. So far the M&Ms have been the bribe, er I mean, reward he has talked about the most.

So we are prepared (I hope) to help Jack move to the next step in Toddler-hood. We are expecting wet carpets and clothes and probably some tears, but mostly we are expecting success (eventually) from our Little Man!

Happy Birthday to My Sweetie

2007-07-10T14:15:00.000-07:00

37 years ago today a very special baby was born onto this earth. He was a quite child, always listening and rarely in trouble. He grew into a handsome man of honor and strength, a man who has committed to serving his country. This man has become a wonderful father, who hugs and cuddles his son every chance he gets, and a loving husband who treats his wife like a queen. This man is my husband, Ian.

Each day I see him, I feel so honored that Ian is my husband...that he is the man I will live out the rest of my life with. We compliment each other perfectly, his reserved side is just the match for my boisterous side. And when I completely lose my mind about something, he is right there calm and level-headed as can be. And now as parents, I am lucky enough to see yet another side of my Man. I knew that Ian had an even softer side, but it wasn't revealed until we brought Jack home. Seeing Ian patiently trying to teach Jack how to put his shoes on the correct way or how to feed Sandie, is so awesome. There was one time I caught a moment of Ian teaching Jack how to whisper...it was so sweet, my 2 boys leaning towards each other with Ian whispering and Jack just talking a little quieter!

God has given me quite a gift in my husband, and I am so thankful. So here's to you, Sweetie! Happy birthday!

Boxes everywhere!

2007-07-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

As Jack likes to say, there are boxes everywhere! There aren't so many now, but we had tons. It's been interesting trying to fit alomst 1600 square feet of house into around 1000. We no longer have a guest bedroom, well I guess we do, we have a pretty comfy sofa-bed. And we effectively no longer have a kitchen...the size of this thing is killing me! We had to buy a cabinet with a hutch for the dining room so we could put our dishes in it, and the biggest cabinet in the kitchen is the one under the sink. I am trying to just remind myself that this is for 3 years, but it sure is hard when I'm trying to cook dinner! Our house is cozy, very cozy. We are allowed to paint so we painted the living and dining rooms last Monday a nice, warm color called Flax. It's made the rooms much more relaxing. Pictures and such are slowly getting on the walls, it is starting to look a lot more like home.

There was a flurry of unpacking the first couple days after we got our stuff, but it has slowed considerably. I know that if we just unpack them we'll be done, but I have very little motivation to open another box of stuff that I have no room for. Our garage is now our storage space and laundry room. Ian did get me a new washer and dryer (the awesome red LG ones), and they rock. I even have a remote monitoring device so I can tell how much time is left and when the cycle is done. Something good did come out of this move!

Jack has been adjusting great, and I love that all his toys are new again! He has been a very happy camper since we set up his train table and got out all his books and puzzles. This morning he did a puzzle all by himself, one that he'd never done by himself before; I am very proud of him! Jack is also learning that he has a sense of humor and likes to use it whenever he can. Today at lunch I put a bit of my lunch on his plate and guarded it with my fork until he said "thank you" (my child will have manners!). He looked at the fork for about 10 seconds while I patiently waited for him, then he turned to me and whispered, "Mommy, what you doing?" I laughed so hard I could barely finish my lunch. Jack did say thank you, though!

The weather here is incredible, but we are going to be getting some record-breaking temps the next few days so I am on the prowl for an air conditioner. Hopefully we can find one today in our budget before we hit the 90s and 100s tomorrow afternoon.

The Petrified Forest and Beyond!

2007-06-20T16:49:00.000-07:00

After Amarillo we headed to New Mexico for a night and onto Phoenix. We were able to stop at the Petrified Forest during our drive on Saturday and had a nice visit there. Jack thought all the rocks were cool and kept trying to put small ones in his pocket. We had to keep explaining to him that they needed to live at the park for other people to see, they were just for looking. A very hard concept for a little boy! If you have never been to the Petrified Forest, you must visit. It is really incredible.

My family live in Arizona for a summer when I was younger and we visited the Petrified Forest. I remembered the video we watched that explained who the trees turned into rocks and watched the same viedo this time around. I also remember being bored as we drove in the car as a child, but now know it's only 28 miles through the park and I got to be the adult pointing out the hills and rocks.

It was hot, hot, hot! But so beautiful! If you look close, you can see the baby bunny that we spotted inside this petrified tree. Jack spent the rest of the day looking for more bunnies.

Jack finally took a short nap in the car, his first on this whole trip so we drove as far as we could. We got south of Phoenix when he awoke and not too happy. Luckily, we were able to get some pizza delivered relatively fast so that Jack could eat. Then we swam in the pool. Jack loves the pool. He also loves jumping off the side of the pool and putting his whole head under water. He holds his breath, but it sure scares me! He has no fear of the water so we have to watch him close!

When we fell asleep that night, we were so happy to know we had only 1 day of driving left. We were so tired, we were all asleep before 9 pm, and I woke up bright-eyed and ready to go...not my usual demeanor in the morning! It was Father's Day so I made Ian breakfast (in the waffle iron in the hotel breakfast). I did dished too, carried them and placed them in the trash; Ian was delighted with this special treatment. I even told him I'd drive first for a few minutes. What a lucky man! (I actually drove for a few hours)

We have stayed in so many hotels on this trip, which means lots of loading and unloading of suitcases. Ian would make 3 or 4 trips to get our stuff in (suitcase or 2, Jack's pack and play, Sandie's food and blanket), but when I loaded the car in Amarillo I got a luggage cart! Ian decided that was a good idea and used one when we left our hotel south of Phoenix.

Suitcase, check. Pack-n-play, check. Dinosaur from the Petrified Forest, check. Sippy cup, check. Adorable little boy, check!

We arrived in San Diego with no bumps, bruises, or dents. I am pretty proud of that! We checked into our house on Monday and are settling in. I know I will have many adventures of to share of squeezing a house into a what-is-called-a-house-but-is-really-a-small-apartment-with-a-garage.

Georgia

2007-06-16T16:29:00.000-07:00

Since Jenni is a whiner, I thought I'd post some pictures from our visit in Georgia. Just kidding, Jenni, you don't whine too bad.

Brandon thought Jack's bed was pretty nifty and climbed right in with him.

Jack trying to ride one of Brandon's toys.

Who could pass up a picture like this? My Dad was given this outfit when he was in Japan for work and celebrated his 60th birthday with "friends" there.

No! I'm not a whiner!

For some reason I don't have any pictures on Emily. Nonetheless, out visit to Georgia was fantastic!

Russ getting his Lace face on.

9 Down, 3 To Go

2007-06-13T19:00:00.000-07:00

In the last week, we have been in 9 different states: North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, and Texas. I feel like a truck driver with all this driving! I'm pretty sure today is Wednesday, but I have no idea what time my body thinks it is, or what time it's supposed to be right now. All I know is that when we are in San Diego it will be Sunday, and Father's Day!

Jack has been such a trooper in the car, of course episodes of "Curious George & Friends" helps! Every so often we will point out a big truck, digger, train, or another interesting thing to him. We bought him a few new books and will pull out new toys every so often to keep him busy. I am amazed at how well he has done, and how well Sandie has done too. We've been trying to make frequent stops so we can all stretch our legs, but it's been so hot at most of our stops that it's not much of a break.

We had a great visit in Georgia with my family and drove to Arkansas for a night. We met Genderist and The Hater in our Oklahoma stop for dinner. They were kind enough to bring it to our hotel in the midst of a move themselves! It was fun to swap stories about moving and how much the process sucks, and talk about how much we all hate cancer, specifically thyroid cancer. It was very nice to catch with with Genderist since seeing her at the Summit in Austin last Fall.

We are now in Amarillo, TX, visiting with old friends of Ian's from his first enlistment. I have talked with him and his wife several times on the phone during deployments and feel like I've known them forever. They have four children ages 7, 5, 3, and 6 weeks. Jack has had so much fun playing with them, and has enjoyed following around the 5 year old, who in turn has enjoyed giving Jack new experiences. The kids have helped Jack explore the outdoors even more by digging for worms, rolly-pollies, snails, and whatever other goodies they can find. Ian is out with Mike tonight on a ride along and is having a blast playing police officer. I have enjoyed visiting with Delonda and seeing Jack play with their wonderful children.

Jack is starting to understand the move! Throughout this whole process I have been prepping him for what is next (people are going to come and put all our stuff into boxes, men are going to come and put all our boxes into a truck and drive it to our new home in San Diego, we are going to drive for a very long time, etc.). Yesterday Jack made a comment about his trains being at his new home and today he said several times, "New home, Mommy? Daddy, Jack, Sandie, Barry, Mommy going to new home." I am thrilled that his little mind is able to wrap around this upheaval of his life.

I was planning to post some pictures, but can't find the cable for my camera to upload them. And I'm too tired to look for it anymore. Next time.

Ian's Promotion (actually on June 1)

2007-06-09T10:28:00.000-07:00

Since LAF commissioned me as a General, I thought it was time to promote Ian! So I didn't actaully get to decide when Ian would be promoted, but I got to help! Ian asked me to pin him on, but it didn't mean anything until Ian's promotion warrant was read and stated that "all junior Marines shall render obedience to proper orders" from him. I chuckled to myself when that was read, it sounds so formal and fan-me-with-palm-fronds-like. It was really neat to be part of this ceremony and a big step in Ian's military career.

A friend of ours, Jim, and I pinned him on, and I was ordered by the Lt. Colonel that I should pound the insignia into his chest. Okay, so I wasn't exactly ordered, but the LtCol said that I could and Ian had said that he'd like me to perform the tradition that is now considered hazing. Because I am not a Marine, it is not hazing if I did it. I wasn't sure at first that I wanted to do that, pounding it in would be that I would essentially be stabbing him. I didn't hit the insignia hard, but just enough so Ian would feel it and LtCol wouldn't yell at me (okay, he wouldn't do that). Ian didn't even flinch, maybe I should have hit them harder. During the whole ceremony, Ian was standing taller that I had ever seen him (and was looking mighty handsome too) and rightfully so, he became a staff noncommissioned officer that day. He gained more important duties, more responsibilities, and a rocker on his collar. He was selected for this promotion by a board of senior Marines in Washington, DC, they felt that he was worthy of this promotion. And I agree.

I am so proud of My Marine. May others always see in you what I always do, an honorable and steady man.

California or Bust!

2007-06-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

The next several days will bring us across 12 states as we head west. We left North Carolina on Thursday morning heading west, but first we had one of the busiest weeks.

Ian was promoted on Friday to Staff Sergeant! He asked me and a friend of his (who was promoted right after Ian) to pin him on, I am very honored that Ian asked me. The Colonel said I was allow to pound the insignia into his chest, an old Marine Corps ritual that is now considered hazing, so I felt I should since the Colonel said to! Congrats to my Hero, I am so proud of you!

We had a cookout with friends Saturday to celebrate Ian's promotion and Jack's 2nd Gotcha Day which was Sunday. Sunday we spent the day together and Jack opened his presents, a motorized Cranky for his Thomas trains! He had great fun playing with it, and we cooked out again with our first friends in Jacksonville, Tina, Hal, and their girls. All day Sunday I had Jack's Korean parents on my heart, and wished that they could too experience this delightful child that we share.

Monday and Tuesday was a flurry of boxes, packing, moving, and contractors working on the house. I was very glad that I had very little to pack myself! I was also glad that Ian and I had planned to have a day between the movers and when we left to do what we needed to get done. It was nice to have a little more time with friends and not feel rushed to get out of the house as soon as the movers did. As we headed out on Thursday morning, we took one last picture of the house. It was hard to leave the house that we brought Jack home to, but it is just a house. Our home is where ever the Marine Corps sends us and what we make it.

The drive to Georgia was uneventful, and Jack was quite the trooper! Thursday was our longest day of driving, we have planned every other day to be 7 hours or less. We let Jack watch movies all day...I can't believe I did that...but I was feeling sad and very tired so it was a battle I chose to not have. We arrived in South Carolina happy, my goal. Arriving in Georgia however, did not bring Jack smiles; it was about 5:00 pm, he'd been up for 10 hours without a nap, was hungry, and just wanted to get out of the car. Luckily, I have planned ahead and packed a Rubbermaid tub of toys for Jack. The Magna-Doodle saved the day!

His Last Mom

2007-06-03T11:30:00.000-07:00

Today is a very special day in our house. Two years ago today, my son was placed in my arms forever...John Seung Joon joined our family. We call it Gotcha Day, some call it Adoption Day or Family Day, but to me Gotcha Day fits: it's the day that we got a son and he got his forever family. We had met him 2 days earlier, but holding him on June 3rd was so different...I knew that I was responsible for this little baby and I am his mommy and he is my son.

For the past week I have been thinking about these events. We left the USA on our Memorial Day and met Jack on June 1, he joined his forever family (us!) on June 3rd (also Granpa L's birthday*), and we left Korea on their Memorial Day. Each holiday holds a special place in my heart. I cried a good portion of the day we left Korea, I was so heartbroken to be taking my child from the beautiful land of his birth, so far away from everything that he has known.

Jack's Korean parents are never far from my mind, but this time of year I think about them a little more. I am so sad they are missing out on this wonderful child that we share, but am hopeful we will be able to meet them one day. Today, though one woman experienced a great loss, I gained a son...a sweet, gentle, handsome son.

Happy 2nd Gotcha Day, Jack!

*Granpa L is 60 today, happy birthday! But according to Brandon and Emily you are 101.

Baby James Again

2007-05-26T20:21:00.000-07:00

In an earlier post, I wrote about a sweet baby who is battling cancer. My heart has been heavy since reading the most recent post on Baby James, his prognosis isn't looking so well. But miracles can happen, I believe they can happen, I believe one happened to me. I am calling out to all who read this to pray, chant, cross your fingers, do whatever you do to get that miracle to happen. And spread the word to get even more prayers and thoughts coming his way.

What keeps running through my head is how unfair it is. James is just 1 year old and is fighting a battle that no one should ever have to face. He was home for just a couple months when the cancer was discovered; not that anyone is prepared for this disease, but I am fairly certain it was the last thing from his parents' minds when they brought him home from Korea. This wonderful couple who were building their family got the shock of their life and instead of planning for a big vacation with their children, must now analyze their finances to pay for treatments. And there is no cure in sight.

And that is what cancer does. It tears your life into little pieces and throws it on the floor. Then you are responsible for putting it back together. You have to sort through the pieces and find what is left of your dignity and body. If you are lucky, you were able to hold onto your hope through the trauma. Cancer doesn't care who you are, it doesn't care how much money you have, whether or not you have insurance, how old you are, what you look like. It just doesn't care, it doesn't discriminate. Cancer affects everyone. No one is safe.

So let's get our act together and stand up together against this disease. Do it for yourself, do it for Baby James. If we unite against this disease then a cure can be found. And hopefully it can be found sooner rather than later.

Please visit www.livestrong.org to find out more way to get involved and to write to your Senators and Congress-person.

Rockin' the Hill!

2007-05-17T06:47:00.000-07:00

I arrived home late last night from my DC trip...and it was AWESOME. The LIVESTRONG Army was there in full force yellow, and we were unstoppable! At our training day we were named Generals in the LIVESTRONG Army since we are the driving force of the advocacy effort. When Doug Ulman (President of LAF) was introducing Lance at our Tuesday training he said, "Since you are all the Generals, that makes Lance, well whatever is above that." Feeling that Lance needed an official military title (and thanks to Ian infusing military into my blood), I shouted "He's the Commandant!" So the LIVESTRONG Army has been commissioned with 200 Generals and our fearless Commandant.

There were 2 advocates from NC, the other is a resident physician at Wake Forest (Jason). We worked together very well and had a fantastic tag-team approach to our meetings. We also went to each other's meeting for our House Representatives, which we both felt added to the effectiveness of our asks:

1) when considering funding for the Labor/Health and Human Services Appropriations bill, we encourage you to support a 6.7% increase for important research at NIH and NCI, as well as a $136.6 million increase in funding for critical cancer programs at the CDC .
2) to co-sponsor the Cancer Screening, Treatment and Survivorship Act of 2007.

Jason and I started the day off with his representative and her legislative aide, a meeting that set the tone for the rest of the day. Congresswoman Foxx was very supportive of our asks and stated that she would try to support the increases as long as they are not in the same legislation as other issues that she cannot support. She shared that she wished they could vote on each piece separately, but that's not how it works. I shared my story with Congresswoman Foxx, who in turn shared a story of her friend who lives in Chapel Hill and is treated for thyroid cancer at UNC-Chapel Hill...personal connection!

Next we met with each of our Senator's aides...both who shared a personal connection to cancer. Not in their immediate family or friends, but aunts or uncles who had cancer years ago before they were even born. Senator Burr's aide was very receptive and said that the Senator likes to try to support increases in funding if able; and that she would investigate further of his co-sponsoring the Senate version of the above mentioned act. Senator Dole's aide shared that she was knowledgeable of the Gardasil vaccine and how fantastic it is, but there are families who cannot afford it because insurance won't cover it (it's $130 a shot, and you need 2 shots)...which worked right into our asking of co-sponsoring the above mentioned act. Both of these meetings were fantastic and we felt we likely won support for our asks.

The Lance Armstrong Foundation held a press event in the early afternoon yesterday. There were several speakers, but the one of interest to me was Congresswoman Sue Myrick from NC. She is a breast cancer survivor and one of the sponsors of the Cancer Screening, Treatment and Survivorship Act of 2007. Jason and I were doing our best with our meetings to let it known that we want North Carolina to be at the front of supporting this act: we have 3 incredible cancer treatment and research centers (UNC, Duke, and Wake Forest) and Congresswoman Myrick as a sponsor of the act. After the press event concluded, Jason and I spoke with the Congresswoman and told her about our desire for NC to be so involved in this...of course she agreed that would be great!

The North Carolina force ended our day in my Representative's office, Congressman Walter Jones. He was unavailable due to votes going on but we had his legislative aide's undivided attention for about 45 minutes. She was so fantastic and shared that the Congressman has been voting yes for much of the recent health legislation...awesome news for our side! If Cybil wasn't on our side at the beginning of the meeting, she was definitely at the end...I practically feel she signed the recruiting papers on the line to join the LIVESTRONG Army. Congressman Jones is usually very fiscally conservative and has recently been speaking out against the war, but is being cautious about what he says (very smart since he has lots of military constituents!). I am hoping that he will be shifting to health issues, and after speaking with Cybil that seems to be a possibility. Score 4 for our side!

I am hoping after following up with the offices I will have even better news to report!

Top 10 Reasons to Cure Cancer

2007-05-11T17:56:00.000-07:00

1. Baby James
2. Children with cancer
3. Me
4. Genderist
5. Elizabeth Edwards
6. Pico's Dad and Poppa
7. Members of my Support Group
8. Lucy, Erika, Wendell, and my other Summit friends
9. Surviviors I have met online
10. The more than 565,000 Americans that are going to die of cancer this year.
11. Cancer is the #1 killer of those under 85 (and funds are still being taken away from cancer research...hmmm, government priorities?)

May 16th: LIVESTRONG Day in North Carolina

2007-05-09T10:11:00.000-07:00

Just checked my mailbox to find that I received a letter from the North Carolina Governor's office. (No, I don't need a pardoning.) Inside was the LIVESTRONG Day Proclamation that I had requested he sign. And Gov. Michael F. Easley did! May 16, 2007 has officially been declared LIVESTRONG Day in the great state of North Carolina!

Way to go, Gov. Easley! I have the backing of my great state to take to Capitol Hill now. Thank you for helping me bring awareness to cancer and all that it encompasses. Hopefully this proclamation will help save lives.

1 in 5 = No Good

2007-05-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

In less than a week I will be in our Nation's Capital preparing to speak with my Senators and Congressman. I am super excited about this trip, as this is my 3rd visit to DC for the purposes of Cancer Advocacy in the last year. With each visit, I feel that I am becoming more adamant about the issue. LIVESTRONG Day 2007 will hopefully bring some change to where money is spent. It's time to put an end to this disease.

Cancer has been in the news a lot recently, and even on the cover of Newsweek. Elizabeth Edwards with her recurrence (every cancer Survivor's nightmare), Juanita Millender-McDonald (a Congresswoman from Southern California) who died from cancer, and Discovery Channel aired "Living with Cancer". But it's still not enough. President Bush recently signed a bill to reauthorize the National Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Program. This program provides these early cancer screenings to uninsured and low-income women. That is great, the program is great.

But only 1 in 5 women will receive care. That is how much current funding levels allow. I'm sorry, but that is not acceptable. I'm pretty sure Congress wouldn't allow 20% of their family to go through life without these life-saving screening. So why should these women suffer?

Hokie at Heart

2007-04-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

I still can't wrap my head around the tragedy at Virginia Tech. I keep thinking of that peaceful campus nestled in the beautiful mountains of southwest Virginia. I see the distinctive Hokie Stone buildings, rolling hills, blossoming dogwoods, co-eds flashing Chicago maroon and burnt orange. A madman on the loose is not part of that scene.

I attended VT my first year of school before transferring to Winthrop. Even though I left, I am a Hokie at heart. I lived half an hour from Blacksburg and spent many track meets during high school and college on that campus. I lived in the dorm next to West AJ (and would visit friends there frequently), I walked by Norris Hall everyday on my way to McBryde for class. It was 10 years ago, but I remember the crisp evening air like it was last night. That campus was so safe. I had a night class that I always felt safe walking to and from in the dark. Seeing the familiar sites on the news has ripped at my heart.

I can't even begin to imagine how the students are feeling. I know how sad I am, and know that the students must have a million times more grief. My prayers have been going out to the families of those that were killed and to the entire Hokie community. I know that Virginia Tech will heal, the campus will feel safe once again. April 16th will never be forgotten, and neither will those lives that were lost.

My Cancer-versary*

2007-04-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

April 9th may not mean much to you, but it is a huge day for me. I was upgraded to Mommavia 2.0 this day in 2003:

On Wednesday, April 9, 2003, at about 4:15 pm I was on my way out the door to go to a friend's house for dinner. Both of our husbands were deployed to Iraq with different units, and she had a 15 month old son. The phone rang and I contemplated just heading out the door. It could be Beth, asking me to bring something else. I was to pick up dinner at Taco Bell (yeah, we were going all out that night), so I answered:

Mommavia: Hello?
On the phone: Hi, is this Cynthia?
Mommavia: Yes, it is. (I immediately recognized the voice) How are you, Dr. Witt?
Dr. Witt: I am well. I am very sorry to call and tell you over the phone, but I wanted to make sure you had this information before your appointment on Monday. I have the results of your fine needle aspiration.
Mommavia: Oh, good, I've been anxious to hear the results. (I had the FNA on April 3, the same day I shook President G.W. Bush's hand!)
Dr. Witt: I'll need you to get something to take notes. You will probably want to sit down. I'm sorry for telling you on the phone, but I thought you needed to know now.
Mommavia: Uh, okay. (I grab the closest piece of paper and a pen, thinking: needed me to know what?!)
Dr. Witt: The FNA came back suspicious for thyroid cancer.
Mommavia 2.0: Oh. (Thinking: CANCER? What? Where's Ian? CANCER?)
Dr. Witt: Papillary thyroid cancer is very treatable, this will not be the demise of you. We'll possibly remove the lobe first, then if cancerous take it all out. We are sending the pathology to Bethesda to have it checked again. But I will be surprised if it's not cancerous.
Mommavia 2.0: (writing notes) Oh.
Dr. Witt: It is not like breast cancer. Thyroid cancer usually doesn't spread, if it does it's slow. We'll do the surgery first, then you will probably need a radioactive iodine ablation.
Mommavia 2.0: Will I lose my hair?
Dr. Witt: No.
Mommavia 2.0: Will I glow in the dark from the radioactive iodine?
Dr. Witt: (small chuckle) No.
Mommavia 2.0: Well, that's too bad, I was hoping to have a little fun.

Dr. Witt stayed on the phone with me for another 45 minutes to make sure I was okay, did more reassuring that it was treatable, and gave me his home phone number in case I needed to call him over the weekend. I really appreciated him doing this; most civilian doctors don't do this, let alone a Navy doctor! Ian was in Iraq and I was scared, about him being there, about me having cancer. All I wanted was for my husband to be home, or at least at work so I could call him.

I was pretty much numb for the rest of the week and at my appointment on Monday I learned what I already knew in my gut: it was indeed cancer. Dr. Witt and I made a game plan: Get Ian home, have a thyroidectomy, have a radioactive iodine treatment. He took extra time to make sure I understood what the steps were and made sure I had every question answered in my notebook (I purchased a notebook on the way home from Beth's so I could write my questions down and take notes). And he repeated what became my mantra, "This will not be the demise of you." I was, and am still, very grateful for the care and extra time he took to help me through a scary situation.

That night I sent the Red Cross message and I got my 4th phone call of the deployment that Friday, Good Friday. Ian called from Iraq, he was all packed and waiting for his flight out of his location. I was so glad to hear his voice, and it lifted my mood so much to know that he was on his way home to me. It was 6 am, but I got out of bed after talking with him and started tidying up the house. I hadn't done laundry in a while, so I started that, washing some of his favorite clothes, the towels and sheets. I wanted everything to be fresh and clean for him.

The supply hose to the washer came loose and flooded the apartment. And the one below us, and the one below that. There was water everywhere. I called the emergency maintenance number since it was Good Friday and they cleaned it up. They tried to stick me with the bill, but the week before my water heater wasn't working and they came to repair it. The maintenance man moved the washer to get to it, and that's when the hose was knocked loose. See what I'll do to get clean carpets?

Later that day I started to call our families. I'd start with, "Ian's coming home this weekend!" Everyone would get all excited until I told them why. Several people wanted to rush out here for Ian's Homecoming but I asked them not to. As much I wanted his arrival to be a joyous occasion, the reason for him coming home was overshadowing everything; I needed to be with Ian, just Ian. The more phone calls I made, the easier it was to talk about having cancer but it didn't seem like it was me that I was talking about. It was hard to keep reassuring everyone that I was going to be okay. I wasn't sure if I really believed it yet myself. I knew once Ian was home I could deal with it, until then I removed myself from the situation as much as I could.

Ian arrived home on Easter Sunday, 11 days after the upgrade. And I was finally able to really deal with what lay ahead. We were able to deal with it together. I cried in Ian's arms that night, and he did exactly what I needed him to do...tell me it was going to be okay, that I was going to be fine. And he has continued saying that every time I got more bad news or was feeling scared.

So tonight we are going out to celebrate. Friends are joining us for dinner to celebrate my 4 years of Survivorship. Having cancer isn't something to celebrate, but living past cancer is.
*Credit given to "the Coach" for the name of this day.

Baby James

2007-04-06T06:22:00.000-07:00

If you haven't noticed yet, cancer and Korean adoption are 2 big parts of my life. They are each in their own little compartments and rarely collide. Cancer was one of the things that lead me and Ian to adoption, but for the most part they don't interact with one another.

Through an adoption forum I met a mother who has the same big parts of her life, but they collided. Her sweet baby boy was diagnosed with cancer less than 2 months after arriving home from Korea. James wasn't sleeping well through the night and her Momma Radar knew something wasn't right. He was diagnosed with Wilms tumors on both of his kidneys. They recently received news that James' cancer has metastasized. Uhg. Please keep this family in your prayers, and pray for God's healing in James' body.

I really didn't need another reason to be all fired up to go to DC, but this is doing the job! A cure has got to be found. I beg you to please write your Senators and Representative. Lets put an end to cancer: It could save your life. It could save Baby James.

Finally, a good article

2007-04-02T20:12:00.000-07:00

I haven't ever written about Angelina Jolie's adoptions, mainly because I have never read a story that portrayed them in a good way. I am not particularly fond of her, but she has done great things in the world for children of all nations. It seems each time she adds a new child to her family she gets more and more heat. I don't envy her...do I wish I had her money so I could complete more adoptions with less stress? Yes. But I don't envy how public her life is. Yes, she chose it, but her adoptions have not been private and they have been shredded to find bribes and such. The "real" newspapers don't print the good stuff about her adoptions, but the Rainbow Kids website did: Angelina Jolie's Adoption.

I was glad to finally read something positive about Pax joining the Jolie-Pitt crew. I admit, I was very skeptical about her recent adoption. It was all very hush-hush and it was hard to find out more information about it (like what agency she used, when they really started the process, did she actually pick a child or was he referred?), but I tried my best to give her the benefit of the doubt; that she'd use her celebrity status for good instead of evil. But the press hasn't been so kind. They don't think about how hurtful those nasty words they printed can be to the child...they just want to print some dirt on Angelina. Shame on them: adoption is about the child. They want to rip apart the child's new family and life, "it won't be normal."

Well, guess what. My son isn't going to have a so-called normal life either. There aren't too many "normal" families out there whose Dad leaves for 6, 7, 8, or even 12 months at a time (in a military town that is a completely different story, but less than 1% of the American population serves in the military). Most families don't uproot every 3 years and move cross-country or to another country. But we do, and that is our normal. And as the article said:

I know of lots of normal and not-so-normal people who are to be admired. But the ones I respect most, all seem to have the same name and title:
Mom.

Watch out, here she comes

2007-03-20T13:03:00.000-07:00

Last Friday night I was thrilled to learn that I would be traveling to DC again in May with the Lance Armstrong Foundation for LIVESTRONG Day 2007! I am so excited about this opportunity to meet with my Federal elected officials to tell them once again that what they are doing to cancer is not acceptable. If you recall, this will be my 3rd visit in the last year: LIVESTRONG Day 2006, Celebration on the Hill, and now LIVESTRONG Day 2007.

Last year, LAF selected 2 delegates from each state for LIVESTRONG Day. For 2007, there are going to be 200 delegates, and I think next year they hope to have even more. If you'd like to become involved in LIVESTRONG Day, you can hold your own event in your town. To learn more visit this link.

This visit I really hope to drill it in the importance of making cancer a national priority and get positive answers for support right there. As I told Senator Burr last fall, "My family is fighting 2 wars. I know more people who have been affected by a cancer-related death than this war." So watch out Liz, Rich, and Walt...I'm coming and won't take no for an answer.

The joy of childhood

2007-03-17T05:27:00.000-07:00

Jack has finally been introduced to the fun of the garden hose! Remember as a kid you would spend hours running through the sprinkler int he summer? Your feet would get all grassy and you'd almost wear a path in the grass from all the running. If you were lucky, someone on your block had a good hill and a Slip-n-Slide. That was the best.

So the other day it was 80 degrees and I was potting some plants and cleaning up our yard. Jack decided to stick his head in the "rain" and laughed and laughed. Then we walked through it. He was having too much fun I couldn't stop him! "Rain! Wet!" he'd exclaim through the shivers. I asked him if he was cold and he'd feep wanting to plain in the rain. We finally did stop him when his legs were shaking from shivering. After I got him all wrapped up in a towel, he said, "Oh, warm."

I speak American

2007-03-12T20:20:00.001-07:00

Your Linguistic Profile:

45% General American English

25% Yankee

10% Dixie

10% Upper Midwestern

5% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

I was glad to know that I speak more Yankee than Dixie...phew!

The Other Lessons of Cancer

2007-03-08T17:58:00.000-08:00

A friend I met at the LIVESTRONG Summit emailed me a story today from Newsday.com, it's a good one (I love that I still have communication with so many of my Summit friends!). I don't think I have ever said cancer has made me a better person. Different, yes, but not necessarily a better version of me. Mommavia 5.0* appreciates the finer things in life more since April 9, 2003. And if you have ever told me I'm brave, you know what my answer is, "Me, brave? Hell no. I'm not brave, I have no choice but to deal with cancer. Marines are brave. My son's birthparents are brave. Brave is choosing to do something dangerous or heart-wrenching. Me, I am just coping the best I can."

The truth is, having cancer just pisses me off.

I wish that could have been my quote. I have a very visible scar. If I forget I had cancer, I am reminded by a sneaking stare from a stranger in Target, or when I look in the mirror and see the bright red line. Or when I zip up my neck in my coat, but don't feel it. I kid you not, that happened. I like, no, love being an advocate and talking about the disease when I want to. If someone is curious, I will gladly share my Readers' Digest version. But because my cancer is visible, I must deal with the rudeness of strangers.

The article, The Other Lessons of Cancer, really struck a chord with me, mostly because it's as blunt as Mommavia 2.0 and newer. But it also "debunked" a lot of myths about having cancer, and pretty much said what I say:

Firefighters and police officers who plunge head first into dangerous situations
are brave. A child protective worker who gets paid next to nothing and tries to
be a mother to as many as 50 dysfunctional families is brave. Those people chose
their positions in life. Cancer chose me. It's not bravery that gets me up every
morning to try to beat back the monster. It's a survival instinct that kicks in,
pure Darwinism.

Sometimes I think I am a completely different person since becoming a Survivor. I worry less about what people think about me and more about what I think about me. I don't sweat the small stuff (that's from my #1 fan). But I don't really live every day as if it's my last, because I don't want it to be. I want to see Jack grow up, lose teeth, play football, get married. I want to grow old with my husband. I have plans, big plans, and not just for my family. I'm going to be a Cancer Advocate until the cows come home, well until a cure is found; I want to help form more support groups for Survivors, young Survivors. I have a big honkin' To Do List so I can't live everyday as if it's my last.

Today I might be feeling a little bitter.

*Previous versions include The Orginal; Mommavia 2.0: the Survivor upgrade; Mommvia 2.2: thyroidectomy upgrade; Mommavia 2.5: first bilateral neck dissection upgrade; Mommavia 3.0: second bilateral neck dissection, a 10 hour upgrade; Mommavia 4.0: the motherhood upgrade; and the most recent upgrade to Mommavia 5.0: a left, modified, radical neck dissection upgrade.

Going, going, gone!

2007-03-03T13:49:00.000-08:00

One good thing about the military is that they help you weed out all your bad furniture and get you to Spring clean out of season. The upcoming move has gotten me to start cleaning out my closets and evaluate the usefulness of our belongings. When we left Charlotte I remember giving away several boxes of things and having a huge trash pile when the movers came. Since living on the coast, we have been in 2 apartments and our current house. The local moves got me to clear out a little, but nothing compared to what is taking place right now. I am clearing out practically anything that isn't sitting still. So now I have entered into the world of being an eBay seller. I listed 22 items the other day, I have lots of scrapbooking materials listed and several retired Longaberger baskets and liners, and it has been exciting to see what happens on this side.

I've been a buyer for almost 4 years (my feedback is 100% positive!) and love swooping in at the last minute, or last 30 seconds, to snatch up an item. The only bad thing about doing that is you sometimes don't have another chance to put in a higher bid if you don't bid high enough. The last 3 or 4 transactions I have done though have not been the "swooping in" kind. I have placed my bid and checked back later to see what the status is. Unless it's Jack's naptime there isn't really another way for me to do it. There have been a few items where I have had Jack help me so I could win them.

As a eBay Seller you get to see if people are watching your item. And I have loved checking my listings to see if they have gotten any more bids and how high they are up to. I did 7 day listings so I'd have next weekend to package things up and get them out; but I think next time I will do 5 day listings. It will shorten the anticipation for me. Of the 22 items, 5 so far have bids, so I know they will sell...cha-ching!

Ian's pretty excited that I am cleaning out, but I think he's a little fearful. Sometimes I will walk around the house looking for items we we haven't used in a while. So far I haven't listed anything that belongs to him. I won't ever list his swords or tools without approval, but I'm pretty certain that he keeps moving around so he doesn't end up on eBay too!

They got the boot

2007-02-09T13:32:00.000-08:00

I enjoy reading magazines for parents, they usually have good tips in them and I like hearing that other parents are having the same challenges that I am. They aren't all adoption friendly however. Today I called and cancelled one of my subscriptions then promptly wrote a letter to the editor:

Dear Editor:
After receiving and browsing through my March 2007 issue of Parenting, I promptly called to cancel my subscription (which ends in October). The question asked for the "Mom Debate" was bad enough, "Should single people be allowed to adopt?" I'm pretty sure you will never ask if single people should be allowed to raise children or give birth to a child, because later in the issue you have an article about being a single parent ("Single dad, efficient parent"). So why ask this one? I understand your desire to have a subject that will start discussion and thought, but this crosses the line. And then I read the responses to the question, I was appalled.

I called to cancel my subscription immediately after reading the responses you printed, that were even worse than the question. Raising a child can be easier with two parents, but I know plenty of "stable, happy contributors to society", as one reader responded, who were raised in a single parent family, many of whom were adopted. The response that was the worse, however: " 'Why would you want to start a child out with one less person caring for him? An adopted child already feels subconsciously cheated and rejected- why add to that?' Jill Mitchell, Simi Valley, CA". A child who was brought into a family through adoption does not make them automatically feel cheated and rejected. Are there challenges that come with building your family through adoption? Yes, but adoption does NOT equal what this reader responded.

The fact that you printed that response shows that you truly gave no thought to the adoptive family. It is thoughtless and inconsiderate of Parenting to print such an ignorant remark.

I'm still pretty fired up about it. The other responses for the "no" side were not much better. I urge you to cancel your subscription too...who knows what will be next from them, asking if military couples should be allowed to have kids because of the frequent deployments? Whatever.

You can't handle the truth!

2007-01-27T06:22:00.000-08:00

There are about a thousand things that I love about the Lance Armstrong Foundation. One of them is that they are all about truth. They tell you the hard stuff. You need to hear the hard stuff. The Survivor Notebook that you can receive from LAF, is full of information and helpful tools to get you through your fight. It's about the truth, and the hard stuff...like getting your affairs in order, obtaining a living will and health care directive, and organizing your health care information. Oh, did I mention it's free? You just pay to cover the cost of shipping. A good deal for such an outstanding tool. When you become a survivor, you are faced with your own mortality; and LAF can help you face the truths.

Lance Armstrong isn't afraid of the truth, he'll tell you how it is. On his blog, he talks about how cancer was not addressed during the State of the Union. As Ian and I half-watched the State of the Union, I noted that cancer wasn't mentioned. And I was a bit heartbroken. So many Americans die from cancer everyday, and while the death rates are decreasing, it is not enough. Remember, a 9/11 happens in the cancer world every 2 days. As Lance asks on his blog:

How long will we have to wait until our elected officials show us that a disease that kills one American, every minute of every day is one of their top priorities?

How long...until entire cities are taken away by cancer everyday? I sometimes feel like a hypocrite, being a Marine wife maybe I should be standing up against the war. But the fact is, I know more people who have been affected by a cancer related death than a war related death. I am pretty sure most Americans can say that. I wish I had a bigger voice, then maybe I could get it through Congress' head that cancer needs to be addressed now. I am grateful that Lance and LAF are about the truth, and their voice is bigger than mine. I won't stop advocating, I wont' stop writing to my Congressman and Senators, and I won't stop standing up for more financial support for cancer research. I think LAF said it best in their response to the State of the Union:

We believe this is not how you treat a disease that is expected to kill 560,000 Americans this year.

Having your very own personal cheerleader...

2007-01-22T18:28:00.000-08:00

...can be a good thing. She will cheer you up when you are getting ready to have a fourth surgery. She will remind you that everything is going to turn out okay, "because you are too stubborn to die." And then she asks you to run a marathon with her, "Let's do it, it'll be so much fun!" And you say yes, because at the time you were temporarily insane. Or maybe you were too focused on getting your husband home from Afghanistan and the pending surgery to know what you were agreeing to do. Or maybe it was because you were delirious from the pain medication after surgery.

Whatever the reason, you agreed...and she remembered. And reminded you. You try to back out, "I have an old running injury that prevents me from running ever again." Or you try, "I'm a big sissy, huge." But it doesn't work, nothing works. She's a cheerleader, a perky and persistent cheerleader. And she dubbed herself as your cheerleader, and then it begins. The brainwashing. And doesn't stop until any recollection of you not wanting to run is gone. And most of your memories of actual pain were brainwashed away too, because you need to not feel pain to run a marathon. But through all the brainwashing she is as perky as a cheerleader, because that's what she is. Remember, she's your cheerleader. And she continues to remind you, "It'll be fun!"

So yes, I think I've been brainwashed by my friend Beckie. There's this marathon you see, at Disney World in January 2008. And she thinks it'll be fun, and now so do I. It seems likely I won't be getting out of this brainwashing anytime soon, because now I have been looking for information about training for a marathon! And Beckie and I want to raise money for a good cause. You guessed it, for LAF. So I guess I'll start my training soon, unless another brainwashing session comes along and I'm going to be doing a triathlon...NO, Beckie!

Baby Mania

2007-01-19T20:44:00.000-08:00

Okay, this is just insane: 5 Babies in 12 Months.

I can't even wrap my head around changing that many diapers in one day!

The Jacksonville Ninja

2007-01-18T10:36:00.000-08:00

Despite this town not having much for children, it has it's perks. There is no lack of steak restaurants, car dealerships, tattoo shops, or muscles. There are some local sites that if you are lucky, happen to see. There is a retired Marine that rides his bike all over town and the man who has been named "The Jacksonville Ninja."

This video doesn't do him justice. He practices a martial art at one of the major intersections with some kickin' music. If you honk at him, he'll wave at you in a pose. It's quite graceful!

San Diego!

2007-01-14T19:15:00.000-08:00

We are getting excited about our big move. It's still 4 and 1/2 months away, but there is lots to do! Our house is pretty much ready to sell, but there are a few minor repairs here and there to be done. I'm not looking forward to living in a house that is on the market, but know I will enjoy how clean it will be! Ian will be going to a PCS class on base sometime in the next couple weeks. There he'll get more information about the military moving us and what extra allowances we will receive for our move. After he attends the class, he'll be able to contact the housing office at Miramar about living quarters for us.

I've been doing a little searching for info about San Diego, and everything I find says the weather is perfect! There will be so much to do out there...Sea World, Disneyland, the zoo, ther wild animal park, and the culture! We are looking forward to living in a diverse city and being able to expose Jack to a variety of foods and cultures.

"Oh, just adopt!"

2007-01-09T12:04:00.000-08:00

I found this interesting article today: http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1380. People can say so many hurtful things during your quest to create a family without realizing they are hurting you. And after an adoption, they don't stop, "You'll get pregnant now that you can relax since you have a baby." A couple's chance of conceiving after adoption is no greater than it was before the adoption. If babies or water was a magical cure to infertility, I think we all would have heard about it!

When we chose to build our family by adoption, it wasn't after years of infertility treatments. It was after just a year of trying to conceive, a ruptured cyst on my ovary (leading to a PCOS diagnosis), a deployment to Iraq, and a thyroid cancer diagnosis. A difficult road to get there, but once we talked about adoption, it took all of 20 seconds to decide that's how we wanted to build our family. And it felt right.

Officially Official!

2006-12-15T13:15:00.000-08:00

On December 14th we visited the Department of Defense. Maybe it wasn't really the DoD, it was US Citizenship and Immigration Services, but DoD is more fun to say! Jack received his Certificate of Citizenship during this visit. I was hoping for some sort of ceremony or something, but we got none. This is also the very last document related to his adoption to be completed. It took us 2 years and 9 months start to finish for all the paperwork (we filed the very first form, the I-600A, in March 2004).

It's nice to be all done with the paperwork, there is an incredible amount for adoption! (I think you have to fill out equal number of pounds of paperwork to your child's weight.) And we are done with all the fees to the USCIS (for Jack's adoption anyway), and done waiting to find out if something was written incorrectly and for confirmation of receipt.

So Jack is an offical US citizen in his American name. He will be able to vote and we can get him a US passport. And he now has proof of his citizenship status in the Sweet Land of Liberty. Congratulations, Jack!

Brrrr!

2006-12-08T11:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we went on base to get our flu shots. When we got to the Exchange, there was a big truck on the sidewalk. Jack was very excited about it, especially when I told him we got to go inside. Little did my sweet boy know, it was the portable flu-shot station. When I sat Jack on the table for his shot, I told him we would get ice cream as soon as we were done. He cried for just a second after his shot, and the sucker the nurse gave him helped more than Mommy kisses.

Jack watched wide-eyed as I got my shot and Band Aid, and reminded me about the ice cream as soon as we left the truck. We went down to the Ben & Jerry's (which is owned by a friend of mine) and shared a small bowl of frozen yogurt (after throwing out his sucker)...I love that Jack is still young enough that he doesn't know the difference! As we were eating he kept clasping his chubby hands together and would say, "Brrrr!" Then he would crack up laughing and giggling so hard. He did this many times, and I laughed right along. The Marine at the table next to us was trying to enjoy a cup of coffee with his newspaper, but he too started chuckling along with Jack.

Nothing like seeing a big, tough Marine in uniform giggling along with a toddler!

Zip, Zero, Zilch!

2006-11-18T10:23:00.000-08:00

Nada, none, nothing...no matter how you say it, I still don't have it! Cancer that is, there was absolutely none to be found in all the stuff they took out on Monday! I can't explain why the biopsy came back positive and then there was no cancer at all...my explanation is Divine Intervention. I started praying that there was not cancer as soon as I found out there was, and my prayer was answered. Woo hoo! And the best part is that I don't have to do that crazy low-iodine diet and go off my Synthroid. What a relief that is too!

The lymph nodes they removed (that's what they were), all were round which is not a normal node shape. The surgery was not useless, the abnormal nodes are out and my scar will look even better than it did before. I continue to be grateful to my doctors for giving me the best care, and always choosing the right path for my treatment. And of course to Ian for being the best husband on the planet!!

You know you are a Cancer Survivor when...

2006-11-09T13:15:00.000-08:00

...you get excited about only half of your neck being cut open.
...your doctors no longer need to explain the procedure to you.
...you can explain the procedure to the med students and Residents.
...you hold your arm up while sleeping when your spouse comes in to check on you because you think you are getting your blood pressure taken.
...you refer to your surgeries as #1, #2, #3, and #4.
...your doctors tell you that you are a special patient, and don't explain if that is good or bad!
...you have special hospital pajamas and shoes.
...you can fondly call the phlebotomist "Vampire."
...you ask all of your family and friends to write to their Senators and Representatives about funding for cancer research instead of sending flowers.
...you LIVESTRONG.

3 Words

2006-10-31T20:15:00.000-08:00

Cancer sucks. That's all there is to it. No matter what side you are on, it's painful. Everything about cancer is painful, emotional, and horrible. Does a Survivor come out stronger on the otherside? Most times, yes, but it is a pretty awful way to gain strength.

I just spent a weekend with about 700 Survivors and Advocates of cancer at the LIVESTRONG Summit. It was an emotional and incredible weekend...awesome keynote speakers, fantastic roundtable discussions, and wonderful friends. I was able to meet many other yound adult Surviviors, and 3 other Thycans! All 4 of us were diagnosed around the same age and were not a normal case. It was so comforting to meet these lovely women, we all feel as though we are friends for life. I am pretty sure every delegate left the Summit feeling super-empowered and ready to take on this war against cancer, the biggest terrorist of all.

My empowerment practically came to a screaching halt when I returned a phone call from my doctor on the way home from the airport. I heard those 3 heart stopping words once again, "You have cancer." After a little "woe is me" time, I am on the warpath and ready to go. I've got a CT scan to see if it is just this one lymph node involved or more. Surgery is mid-November, and yes, my husband is coming home.

There's no way after the being at the Summit I can sit back and let this happen to me (not that I did that before). I am involved, I will not let this disease rule my life. As I heard so many times at the Summit:

Unity is strength, knowledge is power, and attitude is everything.

The Few...the Proud...the Marines

2006-10-20T07:00:00.000-07:00

Flags of Our Fathers starts today in theaters. It's being called Saving Private Ryan for the Marine Corps. I think it would have been neat if it would have been released on 10 November, the Marine Corps' 231st birthday. Then again most Marines will be out celebrating with other Marines that day.

All around the world, Marines celebrate their birthday on 10 November. The Marines Ian is with in Afghanistan will be getting together for a little party. A friend of ours, Scott, is at another base in Afghanistan, and he is going to come down to where Ian's base to celebrate. When the cake is cut, the first piece is given to the guest of honor and the second is given to the oldest Marine present and his/her birthday and enlisted date at stated. That Marine then passes the third piece of cake to the youngest Marine present and his/her birthday and enlisted date is stated. This ceremony is performed no matter where the Marines are. At the ball 2 years ago, I spoke with one of Ian's now retired Master Gunnery Sergeants who shared a story about celebrating in a tent with the pound cake from an MRE used for the cake ceremony.

The Birthday Ball always has lots of pageantry which is a spine-tingling sight in addition to a room full of Marines in the dress blues complete with ribbons and medals. This is the first year since we've lived here that we won't be going to the ball, but Ian will be celebrating over there. What will I be doing? Most likely playing with Jack and sprucing up the house for Ian's arrival shortly thereafter! Not a bad compromise I'd say!

Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's to the Hill I go!

2006-09-18T17:50:00.000-07:00

I'm off to Celebration on the Hill! I am looking forward to this experience and opportunity to meet with the legislative aides, Senators Dole and Burr, and Congressman Jones. We are hoping to make a huge impact and have Congress put cancer research and cancer related issues back at the top of their list.

There are many Americans in an uproar about all the deaths caused by the current conflict. Here's a fact: As many Americans die in 2 days from cancer as the number of people who died on 9/11. I'm not justifying the deaths caused by this war or supporting it, that is a separate topic and post.

Cancer is killing Americans on our own soil, and it isn't picky. Cancer attacks children, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, Supreme Court Justices, athletes, doctors, writers, CEOs. It doesn't care how much money you have, what religion you practice, what race you are. Cancer creeps into your life when you least expect and takes over your body, life, and mind. One in three people will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime (I'm pretty sure the war casualties do not amount to this). Cancer is a killer that we can stop.

So what is Congress doing about this? Cutting funds for research and trying to eliminate guaranteed insurance coverage for cancer screenings (such as mammograms, colonoscopies, pap smears). I don't need to tell you how I feel, you already know. So let's stop this killer for once and all.

Tribute to Maynard Spence

2006-09-11T18:03:00.000-07:00

Today I am taking time to write about one of the victims of 9/11. On the fifth anniversary of the attacks, each of the 2,996 victims is being honored by bloggers across the web. Please visit http://www.dcroe.com/2996/ to learn more and find the blogs honoring all 2,996 victims.

Maynard Spence (42) was born and raised in North Carolina, attended Atlantic Christian College and was living in Douglasville, Georgia. He was employed by Marsh & McLennan and on the 99th floor of the South tower for a meeting on September 11, 2001. Maynard's life was taken by an act of terrorism.

I found many tribute sites with messages from friends and co-workers. Mr. Spence was a great man, very caring with a hearty laugh. I know that he is missed by his family, friends, and co-workers. As I was researching about "Jiff” (his childhood nickname), I couldn't help but wonder what his life was like. I was unable to find anything about his personal life, but I imagine that he was the kind of man that always would throw a few coins into the Salvation Army bucket at Christmas, and tell you a joke when you are having a bad day. The guy in the office that everyone wanted to have lunch with.

I found one tribute that was in The New York Times on December 13, 2001:

Barbara Spence was thumbing through a cookbook several weeks ago, when she noticed a note stuck between the pages among the cookie recipes. It read, "I love you, M."

The M was Maynard S. Spence Jr., 42, her husband, a man with a deep devotion and a flair for the romantic. A few years earlier, Mr. Spence had exhausted an entire pad of sticky notes to his wife and hidden them around the house; even today, Mrs. Spence is finding them.

His love notes may have been stealth, but his presence was not. His laugh was big and deep, and colleagues at the Marsh & McLennan office in Atlanta — a construction safety consultant, he was at the World Trade Center on Sept. 11 for a meeting — always knew when the gregarious, seemingly perpetually happy Mr. Spence was in the vicinity.

"It was the most honest laugh you could imagine," his manager, Gary L. Pohlmann, said of Mr. Spence, whom family and friends also remember for his love of barbecue and pickup basketball. The laugh, Mr. Pohlmann said, was one that "everybody in our office continues to wait to hear."

Maynard, you will never be forgotten.

Please visit The Maynard Spence Foundation for information about scholarships of construction safety education.

Where are you?

2006-09-08T11:30:00.000-07:00

St. Therese's Prayer:

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.

As my 10 year high school reunion approaches, I have been looking through our reunion site and reading about what my classmates have been up to for the last 10 years. Some of them are doing exactly what they planned, and others are far from what any of us expected. Did I ever think I'd be married to a Marine or myself be a Cancer Survivor? I had no idea 10 years ago that Ian was going to be my husband, but he's more perfect than I ever could have imagined! There have been many times in the last 10 years when I wondered if I was where I was supposed to be.

Now I can see that I am, and I was where I needed to be. Exactly where I needed to be. I just couldn't see that at the time. I hope I can remember that I'll be placed where I am supposed to be as the military moves us and life happens. "May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be." You are where you need to be, it may not be your plan, but it is some one's plan.

It was a dark and stormy night....

2006-09-03T17:37:00.000-07:00

Tropical Storm Ernesto came through last Thursday night. Jack and I were up for about 2 hours during the night because the wind and rain woke up both up. After I had been awake for about 20 minutes I went to check on Jack, he was trying to hide his head under his stuffed animals. So we watched the Weather Channel for a while and he cuddled on my lap, perfect for a stormy night.

The next day we had lots of clean up to do. It was still windy on Friday, but we got most of the way picked up. Lots of branches, sticks, pinecones, and pine needles everywhere. A few sections of our trellis got damaged (you can see it in the first picture), and I started repairing that on Saturday. Sandie had a great time running all around in the wind and fetching sticks. Jack was helping by picking up single pine needles; I was glad he was occupied so I could get the big stuff.

We had 2 pretty good sized piles of branches and such (second picture is of the larger pile). Our neighbors pile of sticks was about a third the size of ours, but we do have more trees than our neighbors though. Hopefully the city will do pickup early this week so I don't have to look at the piles much longer.

Now you are probably thinking, where is Ian during all this? The last picture says it all.

Okay, well maybe he's still in Afghanistan.

Kids and Deployments

2006-08-29T20:50:00.000-07:00

This deployment has been so different than the others. The biggest difference is now we have a child involved. Jack has kept me so busy, in so many good ways. We are part of a MOPS group two Tuesdays a month and have a "Mommy and Me" gymnastics class on Wednesday mornings. He is climbing on the sofa to read and has so many words I can't even count! (He can put 3 words together...a big deal for a 20 month old! He says "I git youuuu" and "Mo mo cook-ee puh-leeez!" When he asked for more cookies, I just about gave him the whole box I was so excited!) I also get a baby-sitter at least 1 night a week so I can have some adult time (Tuesday is my tap dance class).

For the most part, Jack is handling this deployment extremely well. The week before Ian left, we began working on the concept of "right back." Jack started understanding pretty quickly that if we leave his Lambie in the car it will be there when we get back. This has translated into when Mommy leaves the room, leaves the house for a few hours (and a baby-sitter with him!), and ultimately to Daddy will come home. There have been several days that Jack has missed Ian so much it takes a while for me to calm him, but I know how good that is. He remembers Daddy and misses him, that equals attachment to Daddy...a very good thing. I feel the Daddy Doll has helped tremendously (go to www.daddydolls.com to get your own!) with the separation.

We have good days and bad days, but mostly great ones. Jack and I leave the house everyday, even if it's to go for a walk. We get together with friends often so we don't have too much time to miss our Hero (or watch the news). Each day the deployment gets a little easier, but we also miss Ian a little more. With just under 3 months left, we can now start planning The Day. The Day our Hero returns to our arms. The Day Daddy can drive cars with Jack. The Day Ian can take out the trash and change a diaper.

P.S. Today, August 29 marks 100 days of deployment...the longest we have ever made it without news of cancer or more surgery!

Cancer Facts

2006-08-21T20:20:00.000-07:00

I have received lots of facts and information since I started actively advocating for Survivors. I received the following through my LIVESTRONG advocacy email group:

In the time it takes you to read this short page of information, another five people were diagnosed with cancer and two more people will have died from cancer. Cancer kills about one American every minute of every day, or about 1,500 people every 24 hours.

About 1.4 million new cancer cases are expected to be diagnosed in 2006. More than 20 million new cancer cases have been diagnosed since 1990.

One of every two men and one out of three women will get cancer in their lifetimes.

Three out of every four American families will have at least one family member diagnosed with cancer.

About 565,000 Americans are expected to die of cancer in 2006. In the U.S., cancer is the second leading cause of death, responsible for 1 in 4 deaths.

According to the National Institutes of Health, overall costs for cancer in 2005 were nearly $210 billion, including medical costs, the cost of lost productivity due to illness and the cost of lost productivity due to premature death.

Approximately 77% of all cancers are diagnosed in people aged 55 and older.

An estimated 9,500 new cases of cancer are anticipated among children aged 14 and younger in 2006. Other than accidents, cancer is the leading cause of death among children.

The Good News:
Cancer researchers have a clear understanding of how cancer evolves, from the initial disruption of genetic material, and the signals that drive and nourish this growth and cause it to spread. We are at a crossroads in the history of cancer research and we are poised to make exponential gains, to even reduce it to a chronic disease, like diabetes. Early indicators include:

For the first time in more than 70 years, annual cancer deaths in the United States have fallen. The number of cancer deaths in the U.S. fell between 2002 and 2003, the first annual decrease in total cancer deaths since the 1930s, when nationwide data began to be compiled.

As of January 2002, it is estimated that there are 10.1 million cancer Survivors in the U.S. Approximately 14% of the 10.1 million estimated Survivors were diagnosed more than 20 years ago.

People can reduce their risk of getting cancer through diet, exercise, weight loss and the practice of other healthy lifestyle factors.

Today, 64% of adults diagnosed with cancer will be alive in five years. Among children, nearly 75% of childhood cancer Survivors will be alive after 10 years.

Does this make you want to prevent cancer from killing even more Americans in 2 days than September 11? If so, here are a few ways you can help:

Call or email your Senators and Representative
Join the LIVESTRONG Advocacy Team
Become an American Cancer Society CAN member

2 Months Down

2006-08-02T19:40:00.000-07:00

In about 4 months Ian will be home. That still seems so far away. It's a thousand degrees outside and he won't be home until it's cooler. Needless to say, I am looking forward to the end of this deployment. It's been really hard, I hate crawling into bed at night (see what time I posted this). But having Jack to care for has kept me busy and from thinking about Ian being gone too much. There are times when Jack will ask for Dadda, so we look at pictures, get his Daddy Doll, and talk about how we miss him lots and he'll be right back. And we pray every night for God to keep Daddy safe in Afghanistan, or as Jack says, "Gan-stan."

Another thing that has made the deployment easier is Ian. He's been super sweet with phone calls and sending me sweet notes in the mail. Our 6th anniversary was last Saturday and he sent me a huge bouquet of red roses, a gorgeous potted orchid, and M&Ms. Not just any M&Ms, ones with a personalized message! It felt like Christmas as UPS and Fed Ex delivered the packages. I felt so special, which I am pretty sure was Ian's goal.

So some good things do come out of a deployment...but I'd still rather have my husband home than a million M&Ms.

Being an Advocate

2006-07-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

Last year when I decided that I need to do more as a Cancer Survivor, I had no idea what God had in store for me. Within a few months of that decision I was selected to go to DC with the American Cancer Society for Celebration on the Hill. Then a short time later I was selected as an advocate for LIVESTRONG Day with the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Opportunities keep popping up and I am loving it!

A month ago I applied for the LIVESTRONG Summit, another opportunity for Cancer Advocacy. Thursday morning I found out that I was selected! I'll be going to Austin with 1,000 other Delegates to discuss the practical needs of people living with cancer. Check out the Summit website for more info.

North Carolina's Senators and Congresspeople better watch out, Cynthia is coming and won't take no for an answer!

Cut in Cancer Funding!

2006-07-11T17:30:00.000-07:00

I loved my trip to DC, had a great time learning how to be an advocate then putting my skills to work. I got within a few feet of Lance Armstrong, but didn't shake his hand. I did get a good picture though! Apparently, I didn't do a good enough job of advocating, I got this message in my LAF Advocacy Newsletter today:

House Committee Votes to Cut Cancer Funding

On June 13, the House Appropriations Committee passed the spending bill that will fund federal cancer programs next year. Unfortunately, the bill carries forward the cuts from the Administration's budget with a $39 million cut at the National Cancer Institute (NCI) and additional cuts for cancer programs at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

This year, the NCI is working under its first funding cut in more than a decade. If the cuts proposed in the House spending bill are approved, it will be the first time in more than 20 years the budget has been cut two consecutive years. Additionally, already under-funded programs that have been proven to be effective in detecting and treating cancer at the CDC are slated to receive cuts. Progress has been made in the fight against cancer, in large part due to our nation's cancer research, prevention and treatment programs. Continuing progress requires a sustained commitment of federal resources.

To be successful, we cannot afford to scale back our efforts in this fight. Please contact your Representative and Senators and urge them to oppose any legislation that fails to provide meaningful increases for cancer research and programs.

I urge you to write to your Senators and Representative and help fix this! Click on the link above and just type in your address. The computer will send emails to the correct people. Cancer is a disease that we can cure...the vaccine for Cervical Cancer is wonderful! It is the first step of many to a cure for ALL cancers. Let's do this, I will be in my Representative's and Senators' faces until this is cured. Let's fight this together!

230 Years of Independence

2006-06-30T07:22:00.000-07:00

I love the Fourth of July. I love the fireworks, the grilling, all the flags and patriotic decorations. But my favorite thing about this holiday is that it doesn't matter what religion you are, where you stand politically, or how you think about the current conflict...if you are an American citizen you celebrate!

There is something special about being in a military town for July 4th. It's already a bit more patriotic than your average town, but everyone's yard seems a little tidier, flags are flown so proudly (often with a yellow ribbon), almost the entire base has a long weekend (called a 96), and the fireworks are incredible. I mean, who can do better fireworks than the military? They blow stuff up for a living, but for this day, they do it for entertainment only!

There will be a very important person absent from our celebrations this year, which gives this holiday even more meaning for me. For 230 years, our military has protected our country and it's citizens, giving us a wonderful place to live, be free, and express our thoughts. America is not without it's faults, but that's what so great...we can freely say that! I will be missing Ian a lot when Jack and I are watching the fireworks (with Ian's older sister)...but am grateful for his service, and the service of all the past and present Marines, Sailors, and Soldiers. Their service has preserved our freedoms. Thank you, Ian, and all you brave men and women.

Boxes of Love

2006-06-19T18:39:00.000-07:00

I love sending care packages to Ian, it's fun to load up a box with goodies, messages, and pictures then send it across the world to my Sweetie. When Ian was in Iraq, I sent a package that included a bunch of pudding in a tube, kind of like a Freezee-Pop. When the box got to Ian, the pudding was cold from being frozen on the plane. He said the cold pudding lasted about 20 minutes. Not because it melted in the oven-temperature heat, but because it was COLD pudding! Ian and any Marine within smelling distance gobbled it right up!

I remember when I was shopping for that care package, I saw the pudding and thought, "Pudding in a tube...hmmm...I think Ian might like that." Who knew it would arrive cold and be such a hit? After that, I've tried to get a little creative with the packages...once I sent him decorations from a birthday party of a friend's daughter. Ian hung the decorations (pink streamers and all) on his tent and took a picture. I'm pretty sure that he took them down right away, but he got to be there for the party! Now with the Daddy Doll, he won't miss a single second!

Need ideas for a care package?

Beef Jerky (or Turkey Jerky...any flavor is fine)
Peanuts/Mixed Nuts
Trail Mix
Chips in a tall can (like Pringles)
Twizzlers
Other snack food that can tolerate a bit of heat in shipping
Paper back books (sci-fi, military, Tom Clancy type (he's read all of Tom's books), Terry Brooks)...Note: these don't need to be new, old ones lying around the house are fine
Puzzle books with crosswords, Sudoku, etc.
Any other goodies that you think are fun!

Sometimes I'll send small toys or games, silly stuff! Something that can entertain him for a bit! Don't worry about sending too much or too little. The guys share their care packages, especially with guys who don't get many. If you send it, it will be used...or eaten!